Cool concept - Regret will be my dower... poor Eowyn, having a hard enough life already and then this great, shining King of a man comes by...
An addendum on the theme, hope you don't mind...
Not for Thee
Upon hilltop they came, a-four,
I saw them come, as none before -
Authority he yet brought forth;
Ring and stone and bright blade.
Heart-full I gazed, desired him more;
Glory released my fate.
Darksome these days! Parted from me,
Storm-eyed his gaze, 'twas not to be.
Harden I must, bend not to thee,
Stiff-backed rode he away.
I'll numb my heart to set it free,
Drown in a blacker day.
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Poetry Forms - the letter B
Moderators: DoctorGamgee, Primula, Rosie, daughter_of_kings, Moderators
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Ringwraith-Wife
- Posts: 2745
- Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2008 7:49 pm
- Location: Ulster Co. New York
Re: Burns Stanza
"Heart-full I gazed, desired him more..."
Beautiful, Prim.Can you imagine the pain?
THE HEART OF E-O-WY-'N
"He fell." Her heart within her died
Theoden, King, her grief he spied
Helms Deep without, and H*ll inside
The soul of E-o-wy-'n
To pain her heart did open wide
For misery to play in
But LO! It sudden came to pass
He fell, but rose from the crevasse
Returned to Helm's Deep, but alas
Just not to E-o-wy-'n
The jewel returned by Legolas
Fresh misery, it paid in
The heart of E-o-wy-'n
Beautiful, Prim.Can you imagine the pain?
THE HEART OF E-O-WY-'N
"He fell." Her heart within her died
Theoden, King, her grief he spied
Helms Deep without, and H*ll inside
The soul of E-o-wy-'n
To pain her heart did open wide
For misery to play in
But LO! It sudden came to pass
He fell, but rose from the crevasse
Returned to Helm's Deep, but alas
Just not to E-o-wy-'n
The jewel returned by Legolas
Fresh misery, it paid in
The heart of E-o-wy-'n
Re: Burns Stanza
Bringing the pattern over to this page...:
The Burns Stanza
...here's the pattern, in which the letter is the rhyme, the bold indicates the syllable that is stressed (iambic)
1. xx xx xx xa
2. xx xx xx xa
3. xx xx xx xa
4. xx xx xb
5. xx xx xx xa
6. xx xx xb
---
Poor Eowyn...! What is it about her that lends itself to this form? Let's see if we can at least make her more happy...
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Upon wall-top, mid garden green,
No finer one I've ever seen,
Beyond past hurts, this now my dream:
Gentle, Steward-Captain.
Taking my hand, his love redeems,
Starr'd mantle blue I'm wrapped in.
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The Burns Stanza
...here's the pattern, in which the letter is the rhyme, the bold indicates the syllable that is stressed (iambic)
1. xx xx xx xa
2. xx xx xx xa
3. xx xx xx xa
4. xx xx xb
5. xx xx xx xa
6. xx xx xb
---
Poor Eowyn...! What is it about her that lends itself to this form? Let's see if we can at least make her more happy...
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Upon wall-top, mid garden green,
No finer one I've ever seen,
Beyond past hurts, this now my dream:
Gentle, Steward-Captain.
Taking my hand, his love redeems,
Starr'd mantle blue I'm wrapped in.
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Ringwraith-Wife
- Posts: 2745
- Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2008 7:49 pm
- Location: Ulster Co. New York
Re: Burns Stanza
Oh, Prim... it's lovely.
And her Steward-Captain has such a sweet, loving, smile.
And her Steward-Captain has such a sweet, loving, smile.
Re: Burns Stanza
Yes indeed 
One more round before we move on? Any other takers?
How about Grima's take on it...?
My dream, she'll know; my worth she'll see,
Intelligence, nobility.
One day a King my fate will be,
And not by trammeled hutch.
Power has put its faith in me,
Yet she shrinks from my touch.
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One more round before we move on? Any other takers?
How about Grima's take on it...?
My dream, she'll know; my worth she'll see,
Intelligence, nobility.
One day a King my fate will be,
And not by trammeled hutch.
Power has put its faith in me,
Yet she shrinks from my touch.
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DoctorGamgee
- Posts: 4736
- Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 7:56 am
- Location: Laredo, TX
Re: Burns Stanza
Sorry to be a nudge, but isn't Iambic xX, not a Xx which I believe is a trochee, isn't it? You are writing Iambs, but that is not what you have graphed. Am I missing something? According to your graph, I believe it should be something like this ...
Gollum's Lament -- by Dr.G
Something that is never eaten,
Not when mashed, or fried or beaten,
Wouldn't even put my feet in:
Stupid Hobbit's taters!
Not a food that I'll be eatin'
Drop them into Craters!
Gollum's Lament -- by Dr.G
Something that is never eaten,
Not when mashed, or fried or beaten,
Wouldn't even put my feet in:
Stupid Hobbit's taters!
Not a food that I'll be eatin'
Drop them into Craters!
Proud father of G-minor and the Bean!
Re: Burns Stanza
They are technically trochees 
- which are defined as a type of iamb, though the term iamb itself seems applicable both to the common xx pattern and to the category of iambs as a whole. A bit like "That deer is a member of the deer family."
Sorry for any confusion - I was thinking in terms of it being an 'iambic graph' (i.e. showing where the feet were) instead of 'iambic patterning' (i.e. iambic pentameter and company).
How about a brief look at terminology while we're at it:
--
Lewis Turco, from his Book of Forms:
There are four standard feet in English prosody: the iamb is a verse foot...of two syllable, the second of which is stressed (xx); the anapest has three syllables, the third of which is stressed (xxx); the trochee has two syllables, the first of which is stressed (xx) - a reverse iamb - and the dactyl has three syllables, the first of which is stressed (xxx) - a reverse anapest.
--
(there are other things out there too, like the tailess trochee and the headless iamb, but those are the basics)
Also - I love your poem!
- which are defined as a type of iamb, though the term iamb itself seems applicable both to the common xx pattern and to the category of iambs as a whole. A bit like "That deer is a member of the deer family." Sorry for any confusion - I was thinking in terms of it being an 'iambic graph' (i.e. showing where the feet were) instead of 'iambic patterning' (i.e. iambic pentameter and company).
How about a brief look at terminology while we're at it:
--
Lewis Turco, from his Book of Forms:
There are four standard feet in English prosody: the iamb is a verse foot...of two syllable, the second of which is stressed (xx); the anapest has three syllables, the third of which is stressed (xxx); the trochee has two syllables, the first of which is stressed (xx) - a reverse iamb - and the dactyl has three syllables, the first of which is stressed (xxx) - a reverse anapest.
--
(there are other things out there too, like the tailess trochee and the headless iamb, but those are the basics)
Also - I love your poem!
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DoctorGamgee
- Posts: 4736
- Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 7:56 am
- Location: Laredo, TX
Re: Burns Stanza
That is why I asked, and I'm glad I did. We have always used iamb for xX, but with iamb having different meanings depending on usage, that makes sense. And just the thought of all those poetic torsos lying around (no heads, no tails) ... who knew poetry could be so violent?!? 
So on this very Popeye-esque motive (Iamb what Iamb), I will bid you adieu.
Glad you liked the doggerl. I am not good at poetry, but nonsense flows like water in my veins.
Dr.G
So on this very Popeye-esque motive (Iamb what Iamb), I will bid you adieu.
Glad you liked the doggerl. I am not good at poetry, but nonsense flows like water in my veins.
Dr.G
Proud father of G-minor and the Bean!
Re: Burns Stanza
DoctorGamgee wrote: Gollum's Lament -- by Dr.G
Something that is never eaten,
Not when mashed, or fried or beaten,
Wouldn't even put my feet in:
Stupid Hobbit's taters!
Not a food that I'll be eatin'
Drop them into Craters!
DoctorGamgee wrote:Iamb what Iamb
Re: Burns Stanza
*wakes up and realizes the poetry thread went dormant*
*gets a cup of coffee* 
All right folks! Wake up, wake up! Let's finish off the letter B, only one more to go - According to Mr. Turco:
"Byr A Thoddaid (bir a thOd-deyed) is one of the 24 official Welsh meters."
He then follows it up with a fat paragraph of how-to, which I will attempt to simplify:
This has quatrain stanzas (4 lines each) consisting of:
Line 1: 8 syllables, rhyming with line 2.
Line 2: 8 syllables, rhymes with line 1.
Line 3: 10 syllables - the main rhyme is not at the end of the line, but before the end. The ending rhyme hooks into the second syllable of line 4.
Line 4: 6 syllables - Second syllable rhymes with end of 3, ending syllable rhymes with 3's embedded rhyme.
Second stanza - now we do it in reverse! - sort of.:
Line 5: 10 syllables - Same pattern as line 3.
Line 6: 6 syllables - patterned like line 4, except the rhyme with the embedded one starts it off.
Line 7: 8 syllables, rhymes with line 8.
Line 8: 8 syllables, rhymes with line 7.
As before, capital letters are direct rhymes, lowercase letters are for "alliteration, assonance or secondary rhymes".
Pattern for Byr A Thoddaid:
1. x x x x x x x A
2. x x x x x x x A
3. x x x x x x x B x c
4. x c x x x B
5. x x x x x x x D x e
6. e x x x x D
7. x x x x x x x F
8. x x x x x x x F
--
And my own attempt:
In February barren grapes,
Across their shriveled remnants drape
The stiffened, darked, juiceless vines twining;
Old ringlets brittle, fine.
Bright pruning knife, merciless trims deeply,
Freeing heartwood's sap, brims -
When seasons change what once was dear
Must fall away for the new year.
Your turn.
*gets a cup of coffee* All right folks! Wake up, wake up! Let's finish off the letter B, only one more to go - According to Mr. Turco:
"Byr A Thoddaid (bir a thOd-deyed) is one of the 24 official Welsh meters."
He then follows it up with a fat paragraph of how-to, which I will attempt to simplify:
This has quatrain stanzas (4 lines each) consisting of:
Line 1: 8 syllables, rhyming with line 2.
Line 2: 8 syllables, rhymes with line 1.
Line 3: 10 syllables - the main rhyme is not at the end of the line, but before the end. The ending rhyme hooks into the second syllable of line 4.
Line 4: 6 syllables - Second syllable rhymes with end of 3, ending syllable rhymes with 3's embedded rhyme.
Second stanza - now we do it in reverse! - sort of.:
Line 5: 10 syllables - Same pattern as line 3.
Line 6: 6 syllables - patterned like line 4, except the rhyme with the embedded one starts it off.
Line 7: 8 syllables, rhymes with line 8.
Line 8: 8 syllables, rhymes with line 7.
As before, capital letters are direct rhymes, lowercase letters are for "alliteration, assonance or secondary rhymes".
Pattern for Byr A Thoddaid:
1. x x x x x x x A
2. x x x x x x x A
3. x x x x x x x B x c
4. x c x x x B
5. x x x x x x x D x e
6. e x x x x D
7. x x x x x x x F
8. x x x x x x x F
--
And my own attempt:
In February barren grapes,
Across their shriveled remnants drape
The stiffened, darked, juiceless vines twining;
Old ringlets brittle, fine.
Bright pruning knife, merciless trims deeply,
Freeing heartwood's sap, brims -
When seasons change what once was dear
Must fall away for the new year.
Your turn.Re: Burns Stanza
You are trying to make my brain 'splode, aren't you, Prim! Hee hee...
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Ringwraith-Wife
- Posts: 2745
- Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2008 7:49 pm
- Location: Ulster Co. New York
Re: Burns Stanza
You couldn't wait to start this NEXT week.... 
nooooo. 
..... I'm glad that we're back, though. 
nooooo. ..... I'm glad that we're back, though. Byr A Thoddaid (translation:Braindamage)
Okay... here goes nuthin'...
Creation Myth
Assuredly, I speak the truth
Distain me not my blood or youth
Or lack thereof; do not doubt me or laugh
At half the things I tout
Reality! What you see! Touch! Believe!
Sieve through, no prejudice clutch
And you will know, as I reckon,
Into reality we can our dreams beckon
Creation Myth
Assuredly, I speak the truth
Distain me not my blood or youth
Or lack thereof; do not doubt me or laugh
At half the things I tout
Reality! What you see! Touch! Believe!
Sieve through, no prejudice clutch
And you will know, as I reckon,
Into reality we can our dreams beckon
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DoctorGamgee
- Posts: 4736
- Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 7:56 am
- Location: Laredo, TX
Byr A Thoddaid (translation:Braindamage)
Braindamaged has Bry A Thoddaid,
my matter grey in shackles tied.
For one can hope to aid the strain of head
in bed, 'neath covers lain.
But no such luck shall come to pass with Prim.
Brim full of brains, the lass!
Her games poetic sound the call:
You lazy lout! Get on the Ball!!!
Dr.G
my matter grey in shackles tied.
For one can hope to aid the strain of head
in bed, 'neath covers lain.
But no such luck shall come to pass with Prim.
Brim full of brains, the lass!
Her games poetic sound the call:
You lazy lout! Get on the Ball!!!
Dr.G
Proud father of G-minor and the Bean!
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Ringwraith-Wife
- Posts: 2745
- Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2008 7:49 pm
- Location: Ulster Co. New York
Re: Byr A Thoddaid (translation:Braindamage)
Ah, facing snow, am I again
The fluffy stuff I do distain
Tired I am, of snowplows loud, and gravel
Dump your fluff elsewhere cloud.
You've challenged me too much this year, you know?
Snow take your leave, my dear.
Now, I will look the other way
But back you'll come, again some day.
*Sheeesh!*
The fluffy stuff I do distain
Tired I am, of snowplows loud, and gravel
Dump your fluff elsewhere cloud.
You've challenged me too much this year, you know?
Snow take your leave, my dear.
Now, I will look the other way
But back you'll come, again some day.
*Sheeesh!*