A Doctor Play, a comedy

[Harthad]

I am sorry for the crossover! I just need more people to review this!

Characters:

The Doctor
Pippin (comic relief)
Evil orange tuba-playing alien
people who fall asleep

Scene 1 Ext. Middle-earth, ALIEN is playing tuba

A- And after I rule the universe, I shall have a snack! But first-

(ALIEN points tuba at pedestrians one by one and they fall asleep dramatically)

A- MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(runs off stage)

(PIPPIN runs onstage)

P- Hey, Merry, Sam! Do you want to. . . .what happened here?

(DOCTOR comes onstage)

D- Hello, I'm the Doctor. What is this place?

P- Um. . . Middle-earth.

D- Oh! This place does have great food.

P- Do you know why my friends are on the ground? Are they. . . dead?

D- No, my dear boy, they're just sleeping. But why they're all on the ground? That is a very good question.

P- Is there anything we can do to help them?

D- Yes. We have to figure out who made them fall asleep and why.

P- How do we do that?

D- I have to go to other planets and see if they have suffered the same incident.

P- Oh! Can I come?

D- I don't know you. . . .

P- I'm Pippin. Pippin Took.
D- Okay, Pippin. Let's go to Planet Zorg! To the TARDIS!

P- Whats that?

D- It's my spaceship. Actually, an organic box that was grown organically but. . .

P- Okay then. Let's go!

(DOCTOR and PIPPIN run off stage)

Scene 2 Int. Hotel on Planet Zorg, PIPPIN and DOCTOR walk onstage, sit down on chairs

D- This is the Planet Zorg Hotel. Very nice.

P-So, Doctor, what's your job?

D- Oh, old stuff. Check out how planets are doing, defeat some aliens, make sure the universe is happy. And run into some Ood.

P- What are the Ood?

D- Aw, they're just Ood.
(Tuba noise sounds and PIPPIN runs to doorway

P- Doctor, why are all the people asleep?

D- Pippin, it's twelve o'clock at night. Why wouldn't they be asleep?

P- Yeah but, the people are all asleep outside. Just. . .on the ground. Just like on Middle-earth.

(DOCTOR jumps out of chair and runs to doorway)

D- Deja Vu! I saw something like this on Planet Zorg!

P- Um, Doctor, we are on Planet Zorg.

D- Right you are, Pippin. Now C'mon, we have a case to solve.

P- What case?

D- We have to figure out why they're all asleep on the ground!

P- Oh yeah.

D- Look for clues.

(DOCTOR and PIPPIN go out side of Hotel, DOCTOR and PIPPIN examine the ground)

D- There are some footprints around here. . .

P- Oh! Here's some orange goo! Do you think someone left it here?

D- You may be right, Pip. And that person who left the goo could be. .

P- The person who made all the people go to sleep!

D- Exactly! C'mon, back to the TARDIS.

P- Your spaceship?

D- Yeah. I have a feeling that the culprit isn't here anymore. . . .

(DOCTOR and PIPPIN run off stage, then TARDIS goes onstage and DOCTOR and PIPPIN walk out onto stage)

Scene 3 Ext. Planet Trachea

D- Here we are.

P- Where is 'here'?

D- Planet Trachea, of course. The planet where all the orange goo-filled aliens live.

P- Ew. . .they're filled with goo?

D- Yup.

P- That's just nasty.

D- Well. . . what would you expect of orange aliens?

P- I dunno. I've never met one.

D- You're about to meet the strangest one, Pippin.

(ALIEN walks onto stage)

A- Oh, hello! Were you expecting me?

P-(turns to DOCTOR) How did you know-

D-(shrugs) Just a hunch.

P-(turns to ALIEN) Are you the one who's been making all the people on Planet Zorg go to sleep?
A-(proudly) Yes, I am. And not just there. I have visited all the planets in the universe!

P- Well, we have to stop you from taking over the universe!

D- Pippin, shush! Don't tell him our plan!

A- Too late. I knew sooner or later the Space Police were going to come along and find me.

P- We're not the-

D- Shush!!

A- Well, no matter! I don't care who you are! I have the ultimate weapon to stop you all!

(ALIEN pulls out tuba)

P- That's . . . . . . . . .a tuba.

A- I know it is, you fool! But this is not just an ordinary tuba. It is the tuba that I have been taking over the universe with!

P- How can you take over the universe with a tuba?

A-(smugly) Like this.

( ALIEN points tuba toward PIPPIN and he falls to ground but not before saying,)

P- Oh, darn.

D- That is one amazing tuba.

A- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now you have no pesky sidekick to deal with!

D- I rather liked my sidekick, thank you very much. And besides, who'll provide all the humor?

A- No one will! This will be a very bad play and the writer will receive humiliation! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

D- Do you always laugh like that?

A- Only when I'm taking over the universe. Other times I laugh like this: heeheeheeheehee.

D- O-kay.

(ALIEN points tuba toward DOCTOR and he falls asleep)

A- Now no one will know my plans! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(ALIEN runs off stage)

Scene 4 Int. Cages on Planet Trachea, DOCTOR in one cage, PIPPIN in other, both are centre stage

(PIPPIN comes awake in one cage)

P- (rubs head) My head hurts. (looks around) Doctor? Doctor, where are you?

(DOCTOR comes awake in other cage)

D- (tiredly) In here, Pippin.

P- It seems that we are stuck. In cages.

D- Yes, Pippin.

P- So how are going to get out?

D- Dunno.

P- Um. . . . .So. . . . . .

D- Quiet! I hear someone! Pretend you're asleep!

(DOCTOR and PIPPIN pretend to be asleep, ALIEN comes onto stage muttering to himself)

A- I have made all the inhabitants of the entire universe asleep forever! Now no one will stop me! But then again, there are the Doctor and his sidekick. . .

(ALIEN bends down to look in cages, PIPPIN snores loudly)

A- Good, they are asleep. And they will be forever sleeping, unless. . .

(ALIEN looks around)

A- Unless someone breaks my tuba in half! Then, I will be reduced to a giant, fiery eye-

(While ALIEN is saying this, DOCTOR and PIPPIN quietly unlock their cages and get out of them)

P- You've got the wrong story, pal.

D- (turns to ALIEN) Give us the tuba!

A- It's mine. My own. My precious tuba.

P- Okay, can you just stop it with the Rings references? We have a universe to save.

A- Fine!

D- Just give us the tuba and-

P- What will really happen to you if your tuba is destroyed?

A- I will run off stage and my plans will be gone forever.

P- Cool!

D- Just give us the tuba and everything will be fine.

A- My plans for universe domination will be destroyed!

D- Tough luck. (extends hand toward alien) Hand over the tuba.

(ALIEN throws tuba on the stage and runs off)

A- (from off stage) There you go! Hope you're happy!

P- That was easy.

D- (sighs) If only we had an Easy button.

P- Now. . . . what do we do with the tuba?

D- The evil, universe- taking-over tuba?

P- Yeah.

D- Um. . . .we make it into something that will make all the people awake.

P- Really?

D- Yeah. At least, that's what the script says.

P- How do we do that?

D- I have an idea. . . .

(DOCTOR takes tuba from floor and breaks it in half)

D- Pippin, can you hand me some dirt?

P- Dirt? What for?

D- To put in the tuba.

P- Um. . . okay.

(PIPPIN hands the DOCTOR some dirt and he puts it into one side of the tuba)

P- Now what?

D- I blow into the tuba.
(DOCTOR blows into tuba and dirt sprays all over stage)

P- And what was that supposed to do?

D- Hopefully, the sound was loud enough to wake all the people everywhere.

P- But what was the dirt for?

D- I was just being funny, Pippin. Now, let's get you back home to Middle-earth. To the TARDIS!
(DOCTOR runs off stage)

P- To the TARDIS! Aw, that was a little late, wasn't it.

(PIPPIN runs off stage)

Scene 5 Ext. Middle-earth, all the people are awake and walking around

(DOCTOR and PIPPIN walk on stage)

D- Here you go, Pip. Home sweet home.

P- Yeah, for me. But where do you live, Doctor?

D- Oh, erm, some place. . .in the middle of somewhere.

P- Okay. Well, see you around, Doctor!

D- See you, Pippin. And remember-

P- when there's a case to solve-

D- I'll need you-

P- and you'll need me for the comic relief. Bye, Doctor!

D- Bye, Pippin!

(DOCTOR walks off stage)

(PIPPIN looks at his watch)

P- Wow! I can't believe we saved the world in less than an hour!

THE END

[Primula]

I don't know how I missed this - must have been when I had too much going on!

I keep getting weird mental images of the Master-as-Gollum...with a tuba instead of his TCE or other nefarious devices.