Write Your Own LOTR - TTT - Book III

[Dínelleth]

Ah, isn't this amazing!
It's my favorite part, you see...
Here's where she meets Prince Charming
And he'll discover his Princess is really me!

When his finely tuned elvish hearing heard the sweet voice of a maiden singing the above ditty from yonder distant window Legolas instantly knew this had to be the Princess he had sought ever since their minds and hearts had touched through the magic of poetic license while he was on the outskirts of Fangorn.

Just as he was about to answer her in song he noticed Gimli going all twitterpated over the Princess' voice too. This he snorted at since he felt quite sure the dwarf would not measure up to his elvish princely charm in the maiden's eyes.

That was followed by Aragorn caterwaulling about himself being the King Ari of Gondor.

Legolas grimaced and covered his ears until the ranger was done.

Then he sang in a romantic tone the following hoping he had read right between the lines the maiden's desire to be anywhere but where she was at:

SAILING
(Sung to the tune Sailing by Christopher Cross)

It’s not far over to Valinor
At least it’s not for us
And when the wind is right we can sail away
And find tranquility
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me

It’s not far to those white shores
No reason to be afraid
And when the wind is right we can find joy
Of innocence again
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me

Sailing
Takes us away
To where I’ve always heard Valinor to be
A wondrous land and with the wind to hurry us
Soon we will be free

Valinor
I feel you calling to me
While we’re sailing
All caught up in the reverie
Every word is a symphony
Won’t you believe me

It’s not far over to Valinor
At least it’s not for us
And now the wind is right we can sail away
And find serenity
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me

[DoctorGamgee]

Gimli walked over to the crafts table and tried to sofen the recurring blows as he gently slipped a jelly donut under the spot where Howard Shore was banging his head against the oak table production numbers he had not planned were being sewn into the tapestry of the story...

Still mystified by the maiden's song, the dwarf wandered back to the set and stood between two gargolyles. Thankful for the kindness of the dwarf, Maestro Shore wove dwarvish drums and pipes into a crescendo as the dwarf's visage was hit by the setting sun.

Feeling glum at his lack of singing ability he put his arm around the gargoyle to his left and mumbled under his breath to the Tune of the dwarvish pipes ...

"Short people got, No reason...."

And there, his voice faltered as in the light of the setting sun, he saw his first glimpse of tawny hair in a window as the smell of peanut butter wafting through the breeze...

'An enchanted kingdom this is!' the tought, unable to speak.

[Harthad]

Beregond heard various songs flowing back to him on the breeze wafting through the trees surrounding his trailer. Maybe he had started something after all! He decided to add his voice to the mix, just for kicks.

Underneath these stairs
I hear the sneers and feel the glares
Of my cousin
My uncle and my aunt
Can't believe how cruel they are
And it stings my lightning scar
To know they'll never
Give me what I want
I know I don't deserve these
Awful rules made by the Durselys
Here on
Privet Drive *insert half note here*
Can't take these stupid muggles
But despite I love my struggles
I'm still aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!

Thank goodness for YouTube, he thought, and working WiFi down here in New Zealand.

[Laiquendi]

After being let in at the gates (the Rohirrim would do anything for a song), Aragorn led the group along the path to the Golden Hall, basking in the adoration of the peasant-folk. Well, at least he assumed it was adoration - the facial expression for adoration, annoyance and constipation were all the same for the Rohirrim.

"Oooo, look Leggy - they have just opened a new Starbucks! Oh, and Gimli, there's Mrs Miggin's Double Deluxe Pie Shop - now with 50% more pie! And Gandalf, Old Ecglaf's Laundrette on the corner! Now you can get those whites cleaned! Ahhhh.... isn't it great to be back in civilization again!"

[DoctorGamgee]

Gimli grimaced. Wedged between the pie shop and the starbucks was a nightmare waiting to happen. "The Ranger needs it and ignores it!" he thought, "and if the Elf sees it, chances are, we won't get anywhere for a week!"

He rolled his eyes and muttered aloud, "And dad thought that travelling with a Hobbit was a challenge!" as he walked past the lonly shop under the neon sign which said...

"Vidal Sassoon's Styling Salon"

with a small handwritten sign in the window which read

"walk-ins Welcome!"

An ominous note was added in the low strings ...

[agape4rivendell]

When at last Eomer and his eored rode up the road that rode o'er the hills and o'er the plains and opened up to Edoras' gates, he felt faint. The icky mud of the grasslands that he had put on his hair in hopes it would shine like the Elf's had stiffened into a giant pointy mass that looked suspiciously like Mithrandir's hat.

He hoped they could sneak in the back way, but the stench of the rotten, sun-baked mud was too potent to pretend they were but wayfarers on the road.

He looked up. Meduseld shone in the bright, mud-stiffening sun. He saw Grima standing near the Vidal Sassoon shop.

"Drat, Eothain. We'll be discovered and thrown into the dungeons."

"Not if we sit on the side of the road. They'll think we're dung from the horses."

"Good idea." Eomer motioned and the entire eored slid off their mounts and slithered to the side of the road.

"We look good. We'll definitely be mistaken for dung."

Eothain shook his head.

[Primula]

Grima adjusted his position beside the King and then wrinkled up his nose as a fetid odour wafted past. A surreptitious check of his own arm pits yielded no clue, nor had he recently permitted his Leige anything involving beans, yet he did note a nice 'fresh' horsey breeze had sprung up to set the banners rippling, unless it was just his eyes watering from the 'freshness' of it all.

Striding to the doors, he poked his head out and waved over a guard. "Theoden King demands you send out the Rohan Pooper-Scooper brigade immediately. He says this kingdom is a disgrace with all these horse-muffins cluttering it up. Go!"

[Laiquendi]

"You know..." Aragorn ruminated to himself while having a lovely peasant girl braid his thick matted locks and a dour-looking horse lord measure him up for a new navy blue pin-stripe suit, "What's with all this... mmm... horse-muffin business lying around? Maybe we should have a little chatt-i-o with El King-i-o? Give the old codger a kick up the janitorial backside?"

[Primula]

Parking Shadowfax and the other horses at the stables, Gandalf inserted coins into the meters and strode out into the breezy 'freshness' of Edoras, the only breeze he'd ever encountered with enough er...personality....to knock out a buffalo. Passing a couple mounds of dung that were surprisingly man-shaped, he paused to peruse some of the shops. There was a styling salon! He stroked his tangled white beard. Hmmm....

[Dínelleth]

Up till now Legolas had been preoccupied with his ipad as he did a Google search for the nearest florist so he could send flowers to his beloved princess since Edoras lacked such an establishment.

Only the "freshness" of the breeze took his attention away from the the ipad and his elvish grace saved him from stepping in a man-shaped dung pile while he trailed after his companions.

"I think this is carrying the idea of creating a green space to the extreme," he said while wrinkling his nose in disgust.

Then he quickly scooted over to the Starbucks and purchased a double-chocolate mint latte to use as a "gas mask" under his nose.

[DoctorGamgee]

Gimli, being much closer to the ground than the others, suddenly saw eyes peeping out at him from one of the lumps by the side of the road. He Called out to the others and lifted his axe..."No Spies shall enter my ladies kingdom while *I* am here!" he cried "Spies, Lads! Spies in Edoras!"

[Laiquendi]

"Yes, yes, Gimli... Pies inedible, you didn't think to ask what horse-lords make pies out of, did you?" Aragorn said dismissively to the obviously crazed Dwarf as he tried out his new suit, carefully avoiding the piles of "freshness". Shaking his new braided hair around in the breeze and letting the brightly coloured glass beads rattle around, Aragorn thought he must look rather dashing and lordly really.

"Hey, Legolas, do you think I'd pass for an Elf? Not one of you lowly Grey folk, you know, one of the High Elves, with the bling and magic and stuff?"

[DoctorGamgee]

Seeing that he was getting little help from the Ranger, and extrapolating the fact that the houses were made of thatch due to lack of funds, the Dwarf lobbed a silver coin by the Ranger's boot and whispered, "I've got more of those if you go and Poo his Shoe..." to the blinking pile beside him.

[Dínelleth]

Legolas spied the same eyes as Gimli and wondered if the piles of dung were in fact performance actors pretending to be such. Of course that led to him wondering why in all of Middle-earth would men want to do such a thing?

Then Aragorn's refering to him as one of the lowly Grey folk made him bristle with anger on the inside and imagine adding the man to the dung display.

"You look more like the pirate Captain Jack Sparrow than a High Elf!" he managed to say calmly while he pretended to judge the ranger with a critical eye. "Where is your rum bottle? Your outfit is not complete without a bottle of rum!"

[Laiquendi]

"A pirate you say.... hmmm....." And with that, Aragorn leaped on the nearest meandering Rohirrim and wipped a bottle out of the astonished folk's hands. Taking a big swig of something that tasted an awful lot like minty-fresh mouthwash, Aragorn sauntered along the pathway with the bottle in his hand, staggering slightly from left to right from the overpowering cleanliness of it all.

"Yo ho, yo ho, it's a pirate's life for me!" Aragorn swaggered along, stopped and then looked behind himself strangely. Wasn't that pile just...? Nahhh.

"With a bottle of rum... and really bad eggs... savvy!" Wait... what was that smell? He looked backwards again and could have sworn that pile of "freshness" hadn't been that close before. Must be the mouthwash....

"Yo ho, yo ho...!" Hmmm... something really was starting to smell, well, ripe - and to be powerful enough for him to smell it, it must be bad. Did that pile just nudge its way towards his boots?

"Ermmm... Gimli... did you just drop a large belch?"