Write Your Own LOTR - TTT - Book IV

[Primula]

Puffing and panting, Frodo reached the top and sat down to empty the rocks out of his shoes before remembering that he didn't wear any, then waved his arms and danced about singing "I'm at the toooop, I'm at the toooop" to his straggling companions below.

That duty accomplished, he shaded his eyes from the glaring darkness of Mordor and squinted over towards the Black Gate. Sure enough, bright orange signs with little silhouettes of orcs and other misshapen creatures bearing shovels dotted the roadway and a huge blinking sign declared

"TUHS ETAG :RUOTED"

in the Black Speech.

"&*$%@!" said the Ring.

"Oh hush up, you," Frodo grumbled. "I'd wash your mouth out with soap if you had one."

He headed back down the gravel hill, passing Sam who'd just gaspingly reached the top, but he wasn't halfway down before a yodeling Sam shot right past him, moving tail over teakettle in a tumbling, clanging blur and cloud of gravel dust.

"Sam!" he called, "Stop being such a show-off, we'll attract attention!"

[Ladyhawk Baggins]

Sam daren't stop, but only waved behind him and rushed on. There was no way he was admitting to Frodo he'd seen a fearsome black beetle. Frodo would laugh himself silly. But he'd forgotten about the problem with running down hill: A body didn't come with brakes, until you reached the bottom, of course, in a puff of grey smoke and tumbling pebbles.

[Primula]

Frodo ambled his way down the slope at first, determined not to reward such outrageous behavior, but he did blink a bit and move it up to trot when he reached the bottom and found Sam's head apparently sitting by itself on top of a pile of gravel.

"Good heavens!" he said, turning in a circle, alarmed. "Wherever is the rest of you?"

[Ladyhawk Baggins]

"In another dimension," Sam groused tartly.

[Primula]

"Oh, I get it! It's that Elven cloak of yours again. Wow, they really do look like rocks sometimes, don't they? Well, come on Sam, looks like we have to find another way around... don't be a laggard."

He started off, then glanced back to see Sam's annoyed and frustrated face still bobbing around on top of the gravel heap then ducked as one of Sam's arms worked loose, the bits of rock unaccountably seeming to be aimed right towards him.

[Ladyhawk Baggins]

Sam knew it was bad form to throw rocks at his master, but sometimes a hobbit had to do what a hobbit had to do, and right now it was the only thing he could do as he struggled to free his other arm. Besides, he rationalized to himself, it move the rocks farther away from him so they couldn't tumble down on him again. He tossed more rocks.

From the corner of his eye, he caught movement near the Black Gate. That couldn't be good.

[Primula]

Grumbling about the lack of good help available for hire these days, Frodo went back to Sam and, discovering all of the rocks were in fact real rocks was agog anew over the efficacy of Elven magic.

"Amazing, isn't it?" he commented to his disgruntled companion as he tossed gravel left and right, "They not only look like rocks they are rocks! What will they think of next?" Mostly-dragging Sam free he glanced back to see what Sam was pointing at and discovered a pair of construction flaggers coming out to direct traffic, bright orange vests neatly tied over their overlapping armor.

"Whoops," he said. "If they stick up a sign that says 'STOP' we'll never get out of here. Quick, Sam, move while it still says "SLOW"!

[agape4rivendell]

Gollum sat on top of the mound, his left knee crossed over his right, his left hand outsplayed and resting on his left knee. He had been in this place before... he knew what the signs meant... same as they did in a place called Cleveland... Only two seasons there... winter and construction.... So this meant winter had passed and now construction was upon them....

It did no good to try to hurry these orange-garbed creatures along. They took their time, ate donuts, some chocolate-filled, and scratched themselves. Shouting was a normal part of the process... but only construction workers were allowed to shout. He held his breath, hoping Sam would not breech protocal and do the unthinkable... yet the fat Hobbit always seemed to be doing stupid things. It was Gollum's luck that the silly Hobbit was up to his eartips in what passed as earth.

Gollum worked the nail file over his thumbnail and watched as two of the workers approached his Master.

[Primula]

Frodo looked up in alarm as the flaggers approached, though they apparently hadn't seen them yet. Thinking quickly, he whipped his cloak up over both himself and Sam.

The flaggers watched, nonplussed as a small boulder detached itself from the hillside and began to scuttle down the road under its own power. They began to take a step after it as if to follow when a buzzer went off back by the Gate.

"Lunch break!" one of them exclaimed. They dropped their signs and headed back, leaving the strange rock to waddle off into the drifting miasma alone.

"Think like a rock!" Frodo whispered encouragingly to Sam as they duck-waddled along beneath the cloak.

[DoctorGamgee]

Little did the Hobbits know what lurked around the corner...

Sauron had grown restless with the Silence out of Saruman...How DARE he forward his Palantir to Voice Mail! In a fit of rage he had broken forth northward towards the desolate plains (a.k.a Lot 47) ...where the set for Blazing Saddles had left a small piece of devilry never seen in Middle Earth just ripe for the taking...

[Primula]

Frodo peeked out from beneath the cloak to find their potential questioners gone. The fact they had been duck-waddling beneath a fake rock for a good half-mile may have had something to do with it, but in this land of darkness and mystery, who could tell?

"Whew," he said, finally straightening up with several loud pops and cracks. "Well, that didn't work. Where the heck did Smeagol go? And now how do we get in? Let's try that road over there," he pointed optimistically. "Maybe there'll be an inn... or something... and we can ask for directions."

[DoctorGamgee]

As the hobbits started walking down the road, they came closer to a small booth with a bar cutting across their way. A sign on it read "Toll Booth 10-cents"...

[Primula]

Frodo looked at Sam. "Do we have any money left? Or should I pawn this Ring?" he joked. "But seriously... " he said, digging into his pocket and finding nothing but holes. "Do you think they'd notice if we used a button instead?"

[agape4rivendell]

Stupid Hobbits. They know nothing... They stupid and the one is fat and leaves breadcrumbs all over its cloak... You only have to pay if you ride a horse across the toll. We won't tells them, will we, Precious. We just watches and hopes the fat one tries to break through...

No, no, Precious. Did we hears the other one rightly? The Ring! He throws the Ring in.

Nows alls we do is wait - they leaves and we WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
pull it out of the basket...
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
gets the Ring..... Ah Precious...
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
gets the Ring!!!

[Ladyhawk Baggins]

Sam gaped at his master. "It's you what has the deep pockets, now, me being naught but a poor gardener. Can't we sneak through? I'm thinkin' it ought to be easier than nippin' shrooms from Farmer Maggot. No dogs."