Write Your Own LOTR - TTT - Book III

[agape4rivendell]

"Wingfoot!" Eomer screamed as the Pooper Scooper won the battle of the cliff. Arms free at last, Eomer flailed in frustration. The mound fell and fell and fell and fell

"Eomer!" Eothain yelled as his own bundle was pushed before Eomer's mass and into the open depths of Edoras' slag heap. The two mounds became as one as they plummeted downward.

Screams from other mounds emanated as each was pushed over the cliff.

At last, the littlest mound, the latest home of Hamas, son of Hama, fell to Bob's bullying.

"That's enough!" Eomer shouted his fury. "Not the little one." He could do naught as his own mass hit the ground. The goo broke his fall, but squished him back into the confines of the mess. He could hardly breath, but still - in the far off distance - he heard gleeful squelching noses and recognized them as Wormtongues."I'll get you for this, you pasty faced runt."

[DoctorGamgee]

As Treebeard and his huorns (with Merry and Pippin in tow) made their way from Lorien towards Orthanc, the old ent sniffed, did so again to make sure he really was getting it, and then addressed the two hobbits...

"Well, with the slight Detour we took, we must now pass by the kingdom of the Horse Lords. As you know, we are not a Hasty folk ... but as we have elves with us, and the current breeze blowing from Edoras being, Hoom, Hoom, shall we say, Hoom, rather aromatic--Hoom HRUUUUUGH!--(he coughed and wheezed for a full minute before regaining speech, his voice sounding a bit plugged and adenoidal), we should put aside our preferences and let Quicbeam set a more rapid pace..."

But as hasty as the old ent was, he was not uncautious. So he sent first a group of great Rosebushes formed into Topiary Horses to sheild prying eyes (and to cover tender noses!) from the "Forest-run" during the "Tree-dash-to-avoid-the-stench."

----------------

Meanwhile, back in Edoras.....

Gimli, making fun of the Hay-seed Horse Lords, picked up a piece of straw and set it beween his teeth with a rye smile. He was not sure what type of plant it came from, but as he turned he could have sworn he saw an entire forest go running across the empty fields they had just crossed behind a phalanx of topiary Rosebushes.

He spat out the plant of his mouth. Nobody else seemed to notice this and he paused in the midst of yelling to everybody to take a look. Sighing, he decided to keep it to himself. He thought he was beginning to see why the horsemen were so protective of their grasslands...and their penchant for making their camoflage out of (for lack of a better word) Loco-Tweed....

[daughter_of_kings]

Eowyn took a last look at her reflection, tucked in a stray hair, smoothed her new pink gown, and addressed the mirror:

Mirror, Mirror, what do you say?
Will I snag a Prince today?

Her reflection blurred as the Mirror answered, "You clean up pretty well, and pretty women are thin pickin's here... you definitely have a shot." As Eowyn turned to leave, the Mirror called after her, "That doesn't mean you should shoot him!" The Shieldmaiden waved a hand dismissively and left the room.

Entering the Golden Hall, she found it empty, excepting her uncle, who had been warming the bench... er, throne... for months now, and that greasy weasel, Grima. Neither saw her enter, so she slipped behind a piller, out of Grima's sight, but in line with the door. "What's taking them so long to get here?" she wondered.

[DoctorGamgee]

As the weed Gimli spit out hit the dusty trail, his Dwarvish stomach gave a growl so loud that it set his helmet vibrating and rattled three rings off of his chain mail.

"Seems like it's chowtime somewhere in Middle Earth, gents!" he cried. "So I'm heading over to the Golden Hall (strange name for a chow-box, but hey, they live with horses and disguise themselves as dung...) and see if someone can't rustle up enough stew to keep this Dwarf's stomach from reaching up and eating his head!"

"Who's with me?" he said as he started making his way towards his target.

[Primula]

Gandalf snapped out of his reverie with a small pop and shook his head. "Leave it to a Dwarf to be able to think of food with all the freshness of Edoras about him," he muttered as he fell into step with the others in such a way as to subtly make his way to the front of the line. "Still...we mustn't keep Theoden King waiting; no doubt he's aware we've arrived by now, or at least I hope so. It may go badly, as his counsellor was none too fond of me - and I never did get a proper receipt from him for Shadowfax. The warranty ran out last week."

Noting the shiny new roadsigns with names like Wormtongue Way and Grima Gully he shook his head again. "And besides all that, it appears his 'council' may be getting a bit big for his britches."

They trudged up the large stone steps, the flags of Rohan cracking in the breeze above their heads.

[Primula]

Grima smiled to himself - a ghastly thing to see, so it was just as well the Lady Eowyn was disappearing behind a pillar when it slithered its way across his features. He patted his pockets for a little box he carried, the one with the engagement ring with its oversized faux gem on it. Now, he thought, while no one else was about...

He slid over to Theoden on his throne and whispered in his ear. "Now, my Leige...you must promise me a bride..."

Making sure he was where Eowyn would be able to see him, he knelt beside the King and asked in a louder voice, "My Leige, may I have your fair niece's hand in marriage?" while nudging the throne to set old Theoden's flopping head bobbing up and down. "You are most generous! Your humble servant is most grateful."

[Dínelleth]

Legolas silently followed after Gandalf, Gimli, and Aragorn, his attention totally on the Golden Hall above him since he felt something was horribly wrong in there and it involved his beloved...

[daughter_of_kings]

Eowyn ducked back behind the pillar, feeling as if she had a mouthful of Bertie Bott's Every Bad Flavor Beans and couldn't spit it out. Had her uncle forgotten the law of of the land? A Princess must marry a Prince. Wormtongue didn't even count as Prince of the Creepy-Crawlies! How could she marry him?

Her prince was Out There. She knew it. Why, oh, why had he delayed in coming here? How could he save her now?

She felt a desperate song building inside, heard the opening strings of the intro...

[Dínelleth]

Legolas stiffened when he sensed the desperate song building within his beloved and the opening strings of its intro beginning from within the Golden Hall.

"To h-e-double toothpicks with the script! My beloved Princess needs rescuing!" he suddenly blurted out while he sped past his companions.

"Out of my way you bobble-headed idiots!" he angrily demanded as he used his elvish grace to slip past the guards at the door after they had asked him to stop and remove his weapons and boots the latter due to the hall's floor having undergone a thorough polishing.

Once inside the hall's dark interior he slid just as gracefully to a stop on the slick floor while he rapidly looked about for his Princess...

[DoctorGamgee]

Gimli followed the path of the Elf with his eyes. Suddenly, he espied Her hiding behind the pillar to Legolas' left. So stunned by her beauty was he that he lost all thought of food and quickly braided his nose hair (putting an end to the whining sound gently filling the hall), combed his mustach and beard, and started forward ...

[Fíriel]

With a choking snort, Theoden King awoke, with a crick in his neck, and ringing in his ears, as though someone had been bobbing his head unbeknownst to him, whilst others were singing. He tried to stretch, but discovered his extremities had all fallen asleep, so he settled for a great shake of his head.

His crown now at a rakish angle, he peered through the tangle of hair over his eyes and mumbled,"Toothpicks and princesses, how long have I been asleep! Grima! Why am I craving peanut butter? And who are these strangers in my Hall?!"

[daughter_of_kings]

Eowyn's mouth opened in a cute little O of surprise as a tall, handsome Elf burst through the doors of the Golden Hall, sliding across the brightly polished floor. The desperate song in her heart melted away to a trill as their eyes met. She recognized him: Legolas, Prince of the Elves of Mirkwood, whom she had seen so often in dreams and visions. Joyously, she sang out:

I know you;
I walked with you once upon a dream.
I know you;
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam.
Yes, I know it's true
that visions are seldom all they seem,
But if I know you, I know what you'll do:
You'll love me at once,
the way you did once upon a dream.

As the song ended, she lowered her eyes... and jumped back a step, startled to see a Dwarf standing directly before her. He was worn, dusty and grimy with travel and something that smelled of the stables, but he had the most intricately braided nose hairs that she had ever seen.

[Dínelleth]

Legolas sighed in relief and smiled back when he finally spied his beloved watching him and his heart soared with happiness at her sweet song. Then he frowned while he watched Gimli trying to horn in on his action. Quickly the elf slid in his awesome elvish fashion over to the dwarf's side.

"Sorry Gimmers but this Lady and I are meant to be together! Besides I don't think the Lady Galadriel will take it kindly your dumping of her after she gave you the three remaining golden hairs covering her bald spot!" he whispered reproachfully before he hip bumped the dwarf out of the way.

Then Legolas stepped into the dwarf's place and lovingly took both of Eoywn's hands into his so he could draw her forth and dance/slide with her. After that he serenaded her while the lights lowered and the music for it softly played in the background.

I've never seen you looking so lovely as you do tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright
I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance
They're looking for a little romance, given half a chance
I have never seen that dress you're wearing
Or the highlights in your head that catch your eyes I have been blind
The lady in white is dancing with me cheek to cheek
There's nobody here, it's just you and me, It's where I wanna be
But I hardly know this beauty by my side
I'll never for get, the way you look tonight

I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright you were amazing
I've never seen so many people want to be there by your side
And when you turned to me and smiled, It took my breath away
I have never had such a feeling
Such a feeling of complete and utter love, as I do tonight

The way you look tonight
I never will forget, the way you look tonight
The lady in white
The lady in white
The lady in white
My lady in white... I love you.

(Lyrics borrowed and tweaked from Chris De Burgh's Lady in Red song)

When the song ended Legolas stopped dancing and gently kissed the backs of Eowyn's hands while he waited for her reaction.

[Primula]

Grima gaped from where he'd been most uncharacteristically rendered speechless. The engagement ring fell from his hands and bounced down the dais, forgotten. Theoden had spoken! True, it was something about peanut butter and toothpicks, but this bode most ill indeed for his plans, most ill! He scrambled for something to say that would reassert his unquestioning power.

Turning toward the guards by the doorways he ordered "Bring the King a tub of peanut butter! And a toothpick...!" only to have his voice choke in his throat again as the unlikely scenery before him featured a tall Elf sweeping by with his intended whilst a well-armed Dwarf stood looking on.

"Guards!" he cried. "Kidnappers! Brigands are seizing the Lady Eowyn!"

Instead of the guards arrival he was even more disconcerted to see an additional figure entering the Hall. "Stormcrow!" he screeched. "Ill omen! Nanny Nanny Boo Boo!"

--

[Primula]

Gandalf finished waving his hands in front of the door guards. "We are not the horse poo you are looking for," he intoned and followed the others.

Music was welling up, wafting through the ancient Hall with its smoky banners and great carven pillars. A strategic beam of sunlight lanced down through one of the high windows to light the throne of Theoden, King of the Mark, sadly marred by the screeching of a nearby darkly clad lump of grease that he remembered all too well from his earlier visits, already calling him names. Legolas and Eowyn swept past singing. Gandalf sighed and shook his head. Kids.