Write Your Own LOTR - TTT - Book III

[Ladyhawk Baggins]

Sam woke from his gentle doze with a start. "Dessert? Mmmmm..." He glanced furatively around. "I've been savin' 'em special. Figured we might need a bit of a pick-me up before we headed into... you know. One of the Elves gave 'em to me, in Lothlorien, said the lasses are crazy about it. Now what was it he called it again? Cho- choke-o-lite... something like that. Twert enough to share all round, so I've been savin' it."

Sam gazed around once more, then passed Frodo a bar of Lindt Chocolate Truffles. A broad grin spread across Sam's face. "Told you, you didn't wanna leave me behind. What would you do without your Sam?"

[Captain-Peregrine]

Lurtz galloped through the woods and then groaned to himself when he saw that stupid Gondorian was taking a firmer grip on his sheild. Now he would never get that--oh, right, fruitcake-high deaders couldn't hold on to anything.

Lurtz grinned to himself now and continued to try and outrun the idiot smelly Ranger bellowing after him about some technicolor dream-something-or-other.

[Primula]

"Truffles!" said Frodo with astonishment. "Oh....Sam!"

Thus it was on a buzz of energy, that cloud of sugar, chocolate and trout (but not all together) that they found renewed hope and strength to face the Great Unknown over the hill. Packing up, they left the river and clambered up the eastern hillside. What would they see when they reached the top? Would hebe able to just throw the Ring in from there if he had a good pitching arm, or would it take a bit more walking? What was an 'emyn muil' anyway? Was it something edible? Soon they would know...

[Laiquendi]

Aragorn, in his technicolour coat, continued running amid the trees idly swinging his sword left, right and centre in the vain hope of hitting something.

Spying the large mass of ugly fellows gathering ahead, he abruptly skidded to a hault besides a large oak tree.

"Ahah," he said to none in particular, "Do I think it would be a wise idea to run headlong into that group of probably vicious, man-eating, un-flossed, uncouthed, foul-mouthed, horde of deadly beasts sent by the Dark Lord... or shall I just sit here, beneath this shady tree, and contemplate the existential musings of life, death and mortality in the Elven mindset whilst waiting for my less than able-bodied Elf and Dwarf companions to catch up and hope that Boromir gets a move on and dies?"

"I'm sure Frodo would have something witty and amusing to say right about now, probably involving pastries. Then Sam would pipe up about being hungry, or some such food-related topic." He mused, leaning against the tree and thinking that he hadn't seen either of them for quite a while.

"Probably fallen down a hole and moaning about the stench." He thought, then quickly sniffed his armpits to check that he was still ripe. "Mmmmm... scrumptious!"

[daughter_of_kings]

Gimli reached the shore and found Legolas standing ankle deep in the water, cradling an object in his hands, looking pale and lost. Concerned for his friend, he asked, "What is wrong, Legolas? You look as though you've had a brush with death."

[Dínelleth]

A shocked Legolas looked down at Gimli through the tears in his eyes. "How can you make light of the passing of my hair brush?! Do you not see how this could negatively impact my physical appearance!" Suddenly the elf went as white as snow. "If my fan girls see me with mussed hair they'll desert me for sure!" he sniffled sadly while he looked down at the soggy brush. Then without looking at the dwarf he said softly "I feel so lost."

[agape4rivendell]

Gollum sat at the edge of the river - a huge smile gracing his face - as he watched Sam and Frodo leave the pile of whitened bones. Ah! Fissssssssssshhhh, he sighed happily, and sucked on the bones till the last of the flesh was cleaned off of each one....

All the while he giggled and sang...

The elf’s fair brush
it turns to mush
so cold and wet

We only stare
To mess his hair
So cold and wet

[DoctorGamgee]

Arthur opened the window to the drive thru and turned on the fan, wafting the smell of deep fried foods towards the woods where they had seen the party heading.

"Me thinks the smell shall bring them on apace!
These creatures resist not a deep fried food.
And once ensnared, we'll lead a Merry Chase
To Isengard, through yonder Fangorn's Wood."

[Primula]

Far off in Rohan, near the Golden Hall of Meduseld a dark presence sidled back over to where King Theoden of the Mark snoozed and checked the dehumidifier that had been placed under the throne when the King was complaining that his face was sweaty. To his surprise it had somehow been nudged from "very very low" to "ultra super sonic high".... He tenatively peered around the corner of the throne at the King's sleeping face and winced.

Eowyn had once had a dried-apple doll that looked like that...

[Captain-Peregrine]

Lurtz bounded through the woods, now running just to keep the air rushing across his face. The closer he got to the humans the more ripe the air became. It meant that the smelly Ranger was close and if Lurtz wanted to shoo those Hobbits towards the trap, then he would have to get their first.

Lurtz took a deep breath to gain a bit more speed and instead nearly fell down gasping for breath.

"Ah, fetid stink!" he cried, tears streaming down his face. "Why cannot thy Rangers bathe more than once every decade?"

Pinching his nose, Lurtz tried to run and hold his breath at the same time, but he knew it was useless. No outrunning that gagging stench.

[Laiquendi]

Aragorn walked along the path leisurely, trying not to throw up at the smell of Uruk-hai in the air.
Those lot certainly did stink! He wondered what on earth Saruman had done to them to make them...so....so.... repungant. It was almost enough to make a man sick, although of course Aragorn would not let himself do so, having an important reputation to uphold amongst those pristine Elves.

"Oh bother and confound it all!" He shouted, wondering what decade he was actually in, and getting annoyed at the lack of dying happening around him.

"Gimli, you fat munchkin! Legolas, you sorry excuse for a hairdresser! Come on, heel boys!" He shouted loudly, whistling quickly on the wind and tapping his sword to his ankle. They needed better training really, Gimli hadn't gotten past the "sit" command yet and Legolas just liked to fetch repeatedly.

Smelling some foul minions up ahead, he swung his long sword around again and lept forward with a shout. There would be Uruk-hai mashed potato for dinner tonight! Boromir better be fighting for his life when he got there, for if he wasn't, Aragorn was most certainly going to end it for him!

[daughter_of_kings]

Back at the river's edge, Gimli rolled his eyes at the Elf's theatrics. Legolas could be such a drama king sometimes, and always worried about what the fan girls would think. Gimli had never had any fan girls, himself, and had gotten along just fine without them. Legolas was his friend, though, so he would do what he could to help out.

"If you can't abide mussed hair, Laddie, there's only one thing left to do... you'll have to shave your head. Anyway, I hear fan girls love a smooth scalp."

Gimli pulled a knife from his belt and tested the edge.

[Dínelleth]

Now off in the distance a grieving Legolas could faintly hear Aragorn whistling for him and Gimli to come. But he made no move to respond to what was no doubt another situation where the man had wandered into the middle of a briar patch yet again and needed help in getting back out. And he called himself a Ranger! Tsk!

However the elf's mind was quickly jolted out of his grieving when Gimli dare suggest he shave his wonderful blonde hair off! "Are you mad?!" he exclaimed angrily while he quickly wrapped his departed hairbrush up in a large white hankie with a superbly embrodiered L in forest green on it that he had quickly withdrawn from a pocket in his leggings. Fortunately he had listen to his Father's advice and hadn't left home without it although using it now as a burial shroud did bring another tear to his eye. "No Gimli I will not shave my head so put that knife away!" Legolas said firmly before he found a nice soft spot to bury his brush at the base of a fine oak tree. And once he had had a moment of silence for his beloved friend with hand over heart he turned to the dwarf and said "I hear Aragorn whistling for us to come. As for my hair I'm sure my fangirls will believe me when I say that it was all his fault for my mussy appearance since I had no time to adequately care for it due to the man's continual need for being rescued." After that he ran gracefully off in the direction the whistling had come from.

[daughter_of_kings]

Gimli polished his blade on his sleeve, gave a small sigh of regret for missed opportunities, slid the knife back in its sheath and drew his axe while jogging after Legolas. He didn't know what kind of trouble Aragorn had gotten into this time, but it was certain to be entertaining. Maybe even as much fun as shaving the Elf.

[Laiquendi]

"Come on boy, come on. There's a good Elfie-welfie!" Aragorn shouted out as Legolas and Gimli slowly meandered towards him.

"You know what, boy, if you're really quick I'll give you a present! It's in my pack somewhere... it was one of those gifts from Arwen." And with that Aragorn removed the soggy and damp pack from his back and began rummaging through it in haste. After a few seconds he emerged triumphant with a slightly damaged hairbrush in hand.

"It's one of those fancy Elf ones, you know, with bristles and all. Women! Always saying one thing and meaning another. I mean honestly, one day she's cooing at me and commenting on my luxuorious hair, the next she's giving me hairbrushes! What's a guy to think!"

Aragorn held out the slightly tarished brown hairbrush before him, the bristles drooping unceremoniously from the waterlog and misuse. It glistened faintly in the sunlight like some sort of beacon to all the vain hairdressers in the land.

"Come on boy, presents!" He shouted to Legolas again, urging him forward with a gesture of his hand.