Write Your Own LOTR - TTT - Book III

[Primula]

"That's it, a bit more this way..." Treebeard hummed. He decided to begin signaling them in, waving a branch to get their attention. Unfortunately, it took him so long to wave it he hadn't even gotten halfway before they were nearly upon him.

He began to slowly cogitate upon this interruption. Their speed was going to take some getting used to.

[Primula]

To his great surprise, they were both as quiet as mice, maybe quieter as he could hear the mouse that had been working on a nest near his ear quite well. Maybe they were just stunned by the beauty of his forest now that they were up where they could see it more clearly.

He considered their stupified faces and decided to try being friendly about it. "Do you like the forest?" he boomed at them.

[Eruvanne]

Resting from his heroic run with Merry, Pippin looked up to see that they had stopped in front of a large knarly tree. However, this tree seemed to have eyes. His mouth instictively dropped open. He managed to poke Merry in the ribs and motion him to look at the tree. Then, to his amazement and horror, it spoke! Pippin promptly fainted dead away.

Eruvanne

[Linaewen]

Meanwhile, back at the Anduin, Boromir was preparing for his ghostly appearance to his brother Faramir, who was doing guard duty on the Great River and finding it extremely dull and sleep-inducing. An appearance by Big Brother Boromir when least expected would be just what was needed to teach Faramir not to sleep on the job, and also to let him know about a few other important matters that he should be aware of for the proper continuation of the story.

Looking at his list and checking it twice, Boromir made certain he had everything he needed for a proper showing.

"Boat? Check!
Cloven horn? Check!
Enemies' weapons at my feet? Double check!
Peaceful expression on my face? That will take a bit of work, but I'm sure I can manage it when the time comes. So, check.
Red shirt? Check -- alas!
Note for Faramir? Check!"

Removing another piece of parchment from his pocket, Boromir read it over quickly, nodding in satisfaction, before pinning it to his chest where it could be easily read.

The note said:

Dear Faramir,

Something not so funny happened to me on the way home from Rivendell. I did my best, but the script and my red shirt went against me. It's up to you now, don't let me down. Have fun storming the castle!

Your loving brother,

Boromir

PS. Do not under any circumstance wear a red shirt, no matter what Dad tells you.

He arrayed himself artistically in the boat and then let the current take him.

"Faramir, here I come!"

[MerryK]

"Erm, yes," said Merry to Treebeard, his brow wrinkled as to why Pippin had fainted. Had he missed his Ancient Forestry class in hobbit school perhaps?

[Primula]

"Hrum." Treebeard prodded the unconcious Pippin with a rooty toe. "I almost feel that I dislike you both, but do not let us be hasty."

He picked them up and held them by his face for closer examination. A bright green light shot out of each nostril. "Oops. Hum..." he muttered as he fumbled for the rocker switch by his ear. There was a click and the bright green light shot out of his eyes instead.

He scanned them slowly. "Let's see now... hobbits....can't seem to place you in the old lists:

Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble......

No, no. Wait. That wasn't it. Hum.

Learn now the lore of Living Creatures!
First the people: those old Elf-things,
Dwarves a digging like a gopher,
Ents like me, we're much superior,
Man running around like a chicken with its head cut off...

Hm, hm, hm.

Anteaters eating apples, buzz buzz goes the bee,
boars a-snorting in the bushes, cantaloupes begin with C.

Hm, hm.

Fireflies blinking, skunk is stinking,
Mosquitohawk flies high and low,
Everybody has a water-buffalo...

Hoom hm, hoom hm, how did it go? It was a long list, and you aren't in it."

[vison]

Marty Feldman popped in, just to see how things were going.

[Eruvanne]

Recovering from his swoon, poor Pippin found himself surrounded in a green glow. "Where's that horrid alarm clock?" Pippin asked himself. "I really should turn down the brightness." Blinking his eyes a couple more times, he realized that the glow was coming not from his alarm clock but from the talking trees eyes and that it was mumbling (in a booming kind of way) about a list and anteaters and cantaloupes and such. At the mention of food, deep down in Pippin's gut, his stomach began to rumble. He then remembered how hungry he was, which trumped all his fears of the talking tree. Looking it straight in its green-glow shooting eyes, Pippin asked, "Do you have anything I could eat?"

Eruvanne

[gustaf]

"Hooom hmm", said Treebeard, "do orcs war amongst themselves and what do they like to eat?"

"First of all, we're not orcs! We're hobbits!!! Didn't Merry already tell you that?" asked Pippin, "and for food, mmm my precious. Oh no! That's not what I say, I say umm...fool of a Took! no not that either...rather, do you have any mushrooms?"

"No food yet!" hoomed Treebeard, "hobbits aren't in the list so you do not exist so you must be orcs!"

"Well", said Pippin who was preparing for some intelligence, "are orcs even in that list of yours?" said he with the slightest hint of...victory.

Realizing that he was trapped, Treebeard replied saying, "Hrum. You want me to sing that list to prove...umm nothing? or perhaps may I make the comment that orcs exist and I know it, but hobbits don't in my eyes, and therefore you must be orcs!!! And hobbits aren't in the list!!"

"Circular reasoning!!!" screamed Merry as he tried to put on some intelligence as well.

[Laiquendi]

Aragorn, still standing on the rolling fields of Rohan, impatiently awaited the (extremely) slow moving stampeding Rohan warriors.

"You start to think if their reputation as fiercesome horselords was maybe hyped up a little..." He muttered idly to his companions, rapidly tapping his foot against the ground.

[Dínelleth]

At the sound of Aragorn's voice Legolas gave a start since he had slipped into some wonderful daydreams about himself, the lovely maiden (Eowyn), and a secluded area of Mirkwood where he took all of his dates. Then he gave the still approaching Rohirrm a look of impatience. What was taking them so long? Didn't they know that destiny had now picked him to win the maiden's fair hand? And how could he do that if he was stuck here waiting for them? Now this made Legolas stomped his foot on the ground and snort like a horse ready to charge.

"If they don't get a wiggle on the lovely maiden will have grown old before I have a chance to meet her," he muttered angrily to his companions.

[MerryK]

"Pippin!" Merry hissed. "Don't you know anything? Like not to talk to anything that can change where the light exudes from it's body?"

He paused, though still eyeing the tree a little suspiciously. Finally, he gave in, and said: "Well, it wouldn't hurt very much if you had some food for us."

[gustaf]

"Be quiet", said Aragorn to Legolas, "keep daydreaming and don't bother me! I'm the one who's in a real relationship. Not you. So knock it off!"

Gimli grunted and the 3 of them looked toward the slowly approaching Rohan warriors. Since they were going to slow, they noticed the beauty of 3 greens striking from the ground which aroused their suspicion. Eomer stammered then said, "G-g-get THEM!!! And fast too! There's absolutely no time to waste considering all that effort we spent riding over here!!"

[agape4rivendell]

'It seems to me, Eothain, that something moves out there - and, even though I have heard things, NONE have challenged us.... mayhap I am wrong in waiting, and waiting, and waiting for a challenge from something I cannot see..... but can hear. What think you?'

'I think you have lost your proverbial mind,' Eothain thought dully. Aloud he said, "Wait. I see three men, er elves, er dwarves, er emu... Oh Morgoth's breath, I see three shapes standing yonder hiding under cloaks. You should have your eyes checked when we return to Edoras!'

'Don't be telling me what I should and shouldn't do. The script says that Aragorn is supposed to stand up and say, "What news from the North, Riders of Rohan?" Do I dare step on his lines??? All know his prowess with a sword.'

'Orc spit!' Eothain scowled. He walked over to Aragorn. 'Would you please check your script so that we can get on with this?'

[Laiquendi]

At the prompting of the dishevelled emu-warrior (and one that probably couldn't even spell the word barth let alone had one), Aragorn pulled out his three-papyrus-leaf page script (front and back) and searched through for his next line.

"Bird. Man with Towel. Beetle. Beetle. Sun. Pyramid. Bird."

Ahm. He thought, better get the lingo done right or you never know what will happen next...

"Entschuldigen Sie mich, große Emu Fahrer, könnten Sie, mich in die Richtung von kleinen, pelzigen Hobbits?"