Write Your Own LOTR - TTT - Book III

[Primula]

"Well," hoomed Treebeard. "That does sound like the sort of thing the little creatures I was supposed to be looking for would say. Always hungry, always growing, by root and twig! As you have been placed in my care, it appears I shall have to find you something to eat. Come along, little hobbit-things. I shall take you to my....hoom.... pantry....."

Holding one in each hand, Treebeard strode away through the woods, leaving behind the very confused and slow-to-pursue Hunters still arguing out on the plains.

[agape4rivendell]

Eomer sat back in his saddle, his eyes glazed over for a moment, then he screamed as loud as he was able, "Would you stop that caterwauling! I can't stand it, Eowyn. Stop now!"

Eothain held his ears, as he screamed and fell from his horse. "The pain! The pain!"

After what seemed an eternity, the 'nails pulled across a chalkboard' screeching voice stopped. Eomer opened his eyes and found that all his men were lying on the ground, writhing in pain. "I must get her singing lessons. This happens every time. If it's not trying to choke down her horrid horse stew it's trying to survive the pain of her singing!"

Just as he was about to cajole his men back onto their saddles, he noted the twiggy thing cavorting around, shooting arrows in the air, whilst being chased by a hairy armpit. Immediately, he sensed danger, pulled his spear and proceeded to throw it. Another chorus of the song began and his arm jerked. "Orc spit! Missed!"

[Dínelleth]

Legolas suddenly froze when he heard for the first time that the lovely maiden's name was Eowyn. "I know her name now! I know her name now!" he then began to sing happily while he skipped around Gimli

Nor did he notice the badly thrown spear as it landed off to his right.

Or the withering bodies of the men on the ground.

As a matter of fact he was so twitterpatted again that once he had stopped skipping all he could do was gaze longingly towards Edoras while the image of Eowyn's fair face floated before his eyes.

"Eeeeeeooooooowwwwwwwyyyyyyynnnnnnnnn!" he then sighed softly.

Now this was picked up on the gentle breeze blowing past Legolas and eventually it delivered it to her in a manner that felt like he was tenderly caressing her fair face with both hands while he was saying it before the breeze slowed and faded away.

[MerryK]

"A pantry," whispered Merry to Pippin. "A? Oh dear—I'm inclined to believe we are facing great trial again."

[agape4rivendell]

After picking his spear up from the ground and contemplating whether to try to hit the twiggy thing again, Eomer finally decided it was not worth his effort. The twiggy thing was softly crying his sister's name. He shook his head in utter disgust.

Meanwhile, the other men of the Eored picked themselves up; the hideous screeching had stopped, and they began to call out after the Elf - Eowynnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Oh Eowynnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Come down from your tower, Eowynnnnnnnnnnn Come to your twiggy one, Eowynnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn - Eventually, they lay upon the ground again - this time snorting and rolling in laughter.

'Nay,' Eomer thought, 'not rolling in laughter, rolling in emu droppings.' Would they never learn - how many times had he told them to watch where they rolled!

Eothain pointed towards the tall, scruffy looking man, who obviously hadn't shaved or washed since the First Age. "Eomer, he said you are handsome. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...."

Eomer flushed a bright red. "Of course I am handsome. And trustworthy. And loyal, helpful and friendly. Courteous, kind, obedient."

Eothain screamed and flung his hands in the air. "That is the Rohirric Scouts Law and you were thrown out your first year for dipping Snowmane's hair in chocolate."

"Ah, chocolate." The cry rose from Eomer and the men of the Mark took up the call. "Choooooooooocoooooooooooooooooolaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat..."

In the air a sigh came from Mordor-way. "Chooooooooooooocoooooooooolaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.... Choooooooooocooooooooooooooooooolaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.."

[Primula]

Treebeard strolled/waded/wallowed/plowed his way into Wellinghall and went to the stream to wash his hands, forgetting he was holding two hobbits and nearly dunking them under.

"Oh, by my bark and twigs, you've been such a nice quiet lot I'd forgotten you were there. I suppose now you'll be wanting something to eat? I don't know what hobbit-things eat, but I suppose what I have will have to do. Let me see now..."

He yanked open a large tree from which light and a cool breeze emitted. The racks inside bore a variety of objects and the hobbits hopes rose tremendously, at least until closer inspection.

"Hoom, hum. Leftover leafloaf, a bit of manure-loam pie, or perhaps you'd like some phosphorous-compost casserole? It has plenty of nitrogen. What is your preferred ph? Acidic or alkaline?" He rummaged and turned back to them with a handful of something brown and stringy. "Peat moss?" he offered. He popped some of it in his own mouth and slowly chewed.

[daughter_of_kings]

Eowyn was making her way back inside the Golden Hall, and so completely missed seeing Legolas' lovely heart-and-arrow fireworks, but, as she had not yet closed the door, a sudden gust of breeze tumbled in behind her, sounding like Eeeeeeooooooowwwwwwwyyyyyyynnnnnnnnn, and caressing her cheek while nearly tripping her up.

"My Prince!", she cried out in delight and turned around. Just then another breeze buffeted her, this one calling Chooooooooooooocoooooooooolaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.... Choooooooooocooooooooooooooooooolaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat...

"Eomer, you brat!" She stomped her foot and shook her fist at the horizon. "You know I'm on a diet!" She slammed the door and stalked into the Golden Hall, plotting a dozen ways to repay her brother for teasing her.

[Primula]

Grima, who had been slithering along in the hallways, paused.

Choooooooooocooooooooooooooooooolaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat...

There was a sound of Eowyn yelling something, and a bang.

He scuttled back down the hallways towards his Beloved Beautiful Delightful Eowyn's door, which was closed as usual. What was this? Was there someone else DARING to be in the same room with her? Who was whispering of chocolate to his princessly woman?

He ran a finger through his hair and inserted the resulting oily pinky into the keyhole, waggling it around expertly to unlock it.

*click*

Ah. Now he could find out who was in there, who was whispering of sweets, he would find them... and then he would find out their very favorite drink.... and then he would serve them some with a little twist of something special....

He creaked open the door and peered inside. She wasn't there! He slid into the room and methodically checked under the bed, in the clothing trunks, in the hidden passageway he had behind the tapestry. He knew all the places to hide in her room, oh yes...he knew them well. There was no one.

Baffled, he slid back out into the hall. Where had she gone? Wherever she was, he set out to find her and who she was with, whoever it was whispering of chocolates...

-

[Dínelleth]

Legolas' twitterpation still had him completely oblivious to all around him. Then he began to softly sing the first verse of an elvish song which sounded remarkably close to the first verse from the song Sailing by Christopher Cross:

It’s not far over to Valinor
At least it’s not for us
And when the wind is right we can sail away
And find tranquility
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me...

"Hopefully my dear Eowyn we can leave all this insanity behind and be together forever!" Legolas then spoke in a voice full of longing before he turned to face Eomer in time to hear the man crying about chocolate. "Will an elvish toffee do?" he asked while fishing around in one legging pocket for few seconds before taking out the sweet treat and holding out to Eomer.

[Laiquendi]

"So, Éomer, now we have become too well acquainted, I feel it is my duty... nay, my destiny, to part company with you fine *ahmm* people!"

Aragorn bespoke loudly, so as to be heard over the singing, shouting, hooting, baying, cat-a-walling, neighing, prancing, donning and blitzening coming from the assorted rabble of emu-lords.

"We have kept you far too long from your obvious meanderings into nowhere, and must now continue our quest to find the long-lost Aztec gold of Machu Pichu. I have my whip, hat, and horde of Nazi villians chasing me!"

Leaping into the air with his arms spread wide as the dying sun shone bright in the background, creating a sort of heavenly halo, Aragorn smiled down on the insane folk and pulled his fellow companions close to him.

"Come Toto!" He said to the fat Dwarf. "Come Rudolf!" He shouted at the lazy Elf.

"Onwards to the depths of the deep dark Fangorn forest!"

[Primula]

Slithering into the Golden Hall, Wormtongue scanned the pillars to see if Eowyn might be hiding behind any of them as she so often seemed to be. Finding no sign of her, he decided now was as good a time as any to see how his new Rapid-Hair-Grow experiment was going. He'd been faithfully rubbing his concoction into the head of his guinea pig for the past week and the results were looking promising.

He scuttled over to where his guinea pig sat slumped in the throne mumbling something to himself. Grima whipped out his measuring tape and noted how many new inches of hair the King had sprouted, and that only in two days! If he could bottle this up maybe he could get Saruman to sponsor him and he'd be rich.... then Eowyn would finally be impressed. What was more, it appeared to be making Theoden's nails grow too, an unlooked for bonus, but the King was seeming just a smidgen too perky...

"Time for your nose-drops!" Grima crooned, "And then maybe a little shock therapy. Anything for you, my Leige!"

-

[agape4rivendell]

er... Estel... er Elessar... er Strider... er Longshanks...

Oh the heck with it, Eomer muttered to himself. He turned to Elfhelm. 'Do you understanding ANYTHING he is saying??? Let us just be away from them. The twiggy thing and the hairy thing seem at least to have their wits about them... for a twiggy and a hairy thing... ' He turned back to Aragorn.

'Go now - go west.' He pointed west. 'Orcs dead - no children. Take horses...'

'You can't give them the horses. They probably don't know how to ride. They can hardly walk - haven't you noticed the Elf swaying every which way!'

'Anything to get rid of them!' Eomer whispered...

[Dínelleth]

One minute Legolas was lost in his oh so pleasant reverie about Eowyn and the next he found himself face first in Aragorn's armpit when the Ranger used his arm to pull the elf in closer so they and Gimli could finally continue on into Fangorn. And judging from the odor coming from there which was akin to overly ripe limberger cheese the elf quickly deduced that this part of the Ranger's body hadn't seen soap and water since Hector was a pup.

"Take the horses...er emus...or whatever you want to call them! Then we can be on our way to Fangorn quicker!" Legolas pleaded with Aragorn before he sank to his knees as the fumes began to rapidly overtake him.

[Laiquendi]

"We shall ride like the wind!" Aragorn exclaimed, again thrusting his arms wide in the arm to make sure that Legolas remained unconcious.

Grabbing the face of the Emu-lord Éomer firmly between his hands, Aragorn kissed both furry cheeks and embraced the bewildered wildman with a bear hug.

"Give thanks and praise! Honour be to this fine, strapping man and his horse!"

Leaving the bemused Emu-lords staring, Aragorn quickly pulled Éomer off his horse, snatched the reins, leapt into Firefoot's staddle, checked the mirrors, tied his seatbelt, started the engine, put the horse into gear and rode off into the sunset.

[agape4rivendell]

'He stole my horse......... He actually stole my horse. Di... did you see that, Eothain. He stole my horse.'

'Did you smell his armpits? Even from here I almost reeled at the stench. The poor twiggy thing - I am amazed at his endurance. Took more than a minute for the stench to finally overcome him. I have not seen such strength in another in many a long year. I am most impressed.'

'He kissed me. Ewwwwwww. On both cheeks. I think they are stained. Look! Look at them, Eothain. Are they stained?' He held his head in his hands and wailed, piteously. 'I am marked for life.'

'Let us be away from them, sans horse. They fill me with much misgiving,' Eothain said quietly. He lept upon his horse and beckoned for one to be brought for their erstwhile Marshal.

As they rode off into the sunset, one of Eomer's men was heard to ask in bewilderment and bemusement, 'What is an emu?'