Write Your Own LOTR - TTT - Book III

[Dínelleth]

Meanwhile Legolas lay unconscious on the ground where he had fallen the lingering smell of Aragorn's overly ripe armpits still holding sway over him. Eventually there came a gentle sweet breeze which dispelled the foul odor and allowed the elf to regain his senses.

Only after he had sat up did he noticed that he was alone except for Gimli who had gone as quiet and as still as a garden gnome statue. Then again maybe the dwarf had been turned into one. Either way it was too hard for Legolas to tell.

"Well Shorty it looks like our fearless leader has left us to find our own way to Fangorn! But don't worry! I know how to get us there in style!" the elf said smuggly while he whipped out his cell phone and flipped it open. Then he called Hertz Rent-a-Horse and soon they had delivered one of the flashy red sports models. And once Legolas had Gimli straped down on the trunk the elf then jump up into the driver's seat and sped after Aragorn.

[gustaf]

Gimli indeed had fallen into a trance as he too had experienced some problems from Aragorn which was that he seemed to flutter about like a blinking eye and that once he touched the cursed horse that the tall leader rode, the horse went flashing from a horse to a piece of rectangle-ish metal with various parts. Gimli was so amazed and awestruck that he immediately fainted then had been ferried on board shiny metal to go on vacation with a man called Bloomy-Orli in an extremely barbaric land which Bloomy-Orli called "Selegna Sol". Gimli himself was fluttering between that and his fainted reality, but suddenly he woke up tied to something which was a horse one second then a red box the next.

Legolas called to Gimli, "Finally up Shorty Todo??" while snickering.

Gimli growled and said, "Leggy you better not call me shorty NOR Todo or tie me like a prisoner ever again or else I shall shave off your pathetic hair! I swear by my beard!! And what's going on here? Where is Letse? And why am I on a dratted horsey like those horsey lordey men-ey I-ey mean-ey ahhhhh-ey no-eyyyyy neigh!!!! Baaaaah! Beh-eh-eh-eh-eh!!! Wh-hwahwa-a-lala--tututut---whu--what?!?!"

Legolas and Gimli both gaped at a blinding flash of white that encircled them and brought them together with Letse in a heap of unconsciousness. But they had yet to find out what that came from.

[Laiquendi]

Riding quite happily in the distance, Aragorn looked back at the disappearing emu-lords and tried in vain to see his lost elf and dwarf.

"You would have thought the dwarf would be the first one running..." He said to himself.

"You think many things about dwarves. Only 38.9873% of which are accurate though." He replied to himself.

"I could have sworn that they hang upside down from the ceiling at night with watermelons tied to their beards...." He replied to his reply to himself.

"Who knew that the Elf did it too?" He replied to his reply to his reply to himself.

The gloomy and dark Fangorn stood just a few feet away, causing Aragorn to ponder if he really wanted to go in without his lost companions. He still wasn't quite convinced that his companions wouldn't shoot him in the back even if they were here, but he thought they would be useful if one of them needed to be sacrificed to an angry dragon.

[Primula]

Deep within the deep, deep depths of Fangorn an irritating chirring sound began.

Treebeard paused mid-chew and waded over to a nearby tree to poke a bug into silence. "Cicada alarm," he explained to the two hobbits. "It tells me that someone is on the boundaries of my forest... I wonder if those bumbling creatures out on the plain have finally come this way? Well, we shan't be hasty shall we? Are you sure you don't want some of this peat-moss? It was nicely aged. Or maybe you prefer something with more nitrogen and iron? A drink of Miracle-Gro? I used to have a fine organic fish fertilizer, but the river seems strangely low lately...."

[Dínelleth]

Aragorn's talking to himself slowly began to penetrate the darkness of unconsciousness Legolas suddenly now found himself in. And when he finally managed to open one blue eye he discovered that he was lying on the grassy ground directly behind the Ranger who was staring at Fangorn before him.

Now this perplexed him since Aragorn had such a head start on him. Yet he had somehow caught up. Then he remembered the bright white light that had engulfed him and Gimli who he discovered was lying motionless behind him when he opened his other blue eye and looked in that direction.

However the light hadn't transported the horse he had rented which meant he would have to find some other means of transportation.

Suddenly Legolas was tired of all the insanity he had been immersed in since the Fellowship had broken up...well except for that surrounding Eowyn because he still felt a warmth for her in his heart. And he sorely missed his hairbrush! If only it was there with him now so he could enjoy the feel of its excellent bristles caressing his cares away while it smoothed his blond locks. But it wasn't so with a heavy sigh he sat up and used his fingers instead. Perhaps if he sat there quietly no more of the other insanity would come his way...

[MerryK]

Merry wondered with those type of choices which would be the worse death—hunger or Miracle Gro poisoning. He concluded that he didn't want to know. "Um, peat moss is most like what we eat," he said. "I don't suppose you have any arugula to go with it? Some fine young spinach?"

[Primula]

"Spinach?" Treebeard considered and slowly scratched his beard. "Spinach? No, no spinach. Doesn't keep long enough. I do have some very nice sandy loam that - if I recall right, and my memory is quite long - had some spinach growing in it once... I wonder where I put that....."

He trailed off into Entish mumbling, pinching off what he thought might be a nice hobbit-sized wad of peat moss for each of them and pouring them each a nice puddle of Miracle-Gro to suck up with their toes.

[Eruvanne]

From the time that Merry had whispered about there being only one pantry in the ent's house, Pippin had been quite stunned. He had thought that for such a large plant-person-thing as Treebeard, there would be whole walls covered with pantries holding the most delectable things imaginable. Imagine his surprise in asking if he would like some peat moss.

As he was about to protest against the moss, Merry, to his horror, accepted the peat moss, to some extent. The ent then giving the hobbits the peat moss and then soaking their feet in Miracle-Gro made Pippin very uncomfortable. Not only were his feet becoming hair-covered prunes but also the amount of peat moss given him was just about as big as his head. Taking a daring chance to find some way out of both peat moss and Miracle-Gro, Pippin asked one simple question.

"Mr. Ent, sir, do happen to have any mushrooms by chance?"

[agape4rivendell]

At last the stench that had followed them since their meeting with the three gangly creatures... oops twiggy creatures... ooops... smelly...

'I give up!' Eomer thought. 'They were close to the foulest, smelliest, stupedist creatures I have ever had the misfortune to meet.'

"Where to, my Lord?" Eothain still had a hunk of plains grass stuffed in his nose, trying to keep the armpit smell at bay!

Eomer noticed the whole eored had grass stuffed up their noses, in their ears, and in their mouths. 'Green teeth again... We'll look so ridiculous when we enter Meduseld. Well, I can well understand. Now, how do I get into the Golden Hall without Eowyn seeing me?' He shuddered.

[Primula]

"Mushrooms?" the ent said. He considered all that nice peat moss that the hobbit had hardly touched and wondered greatly that they had such an appetite, to be asking about more food already!

"hmm.... Well, I can't say I've much in the way of mushrooms except these few I picked out from between my toes this morning... You can see I still have a couple small ones, I am not very bendable.... you may eat them if you like. But I have heard it said that there is a nice...hoom, mushroomy taste in this..."

He pulled out a large crock of dark brown liquid. If there were mushrooms to be found anywhere, it would no doubt be in this draught he had made from the washing out of old Ent-socks.

"Help yourself little hobbitlings. While you eat and drink, I will relate to you some long rambling stories of old things you do not care about and you will tell me some of yours. You come from far away... have you seen any Entwives, perhaps? The cooking here has certainly left much to be desired since we lost them..."

[MerryK]

"Entwives?" asked Merry around a mouthful of peat moss, more to Pippin than to Treebeard. "Weren't they that band at the Green Dragon a year or so back? Sang about free love and being green—or were they the Tent Wives? I dunno, I was thoroughly soaked in ale at that point."

He bit down slowly on the peat moss, feeling all his saliva being soaked up like a sponge, and hoping that the crunching wouldn't pop his eardrums.

[Primula]

There was an extended pause. Treebeard suddenly snorted back awake from the Entish doze he'd fallen into while waiting for the little hobbity things to soak up their drinks with their toes.

"*snork* Eh? Hm. Is it tomorrow already? Or is it still today? What year is this? Oh yes.... I remember now. We were speaking of many things, no... wait, that was the last Age. Hoom." He suddenly turned his attention back to the hobbits. "So, what do you want to know? There is a war out there, it seems, and my neighbor Young Mister Saruman has been causing mischief. A pity. He used to come and walk in these woods though not of late... he would compliment me on how strong and fat all my trees were and how very nice they would be someday when they could truly shine out as he intended them to, how they were all a cut above. I was never sure what he meant, but it sounded very....hoom, civilized."

[gustaf]

Once Gimli opened his eyes, he found Legolas brushing his hair with his hand and Letse muttering indistincably about dragons and such. With a sigh Gimli thought, "well, atleast we're together again...but there's not much hope of accomplishing anything with these companions of mine, a dratted stuck-up elf and a stinky armpit sweater" shaking his head at the thought. But suddenly he found himself surrounded by trees and nearly cried out in fear as some were moving.

But nearby the dratted elf was happily singing a merry tune and looked perfectly at ease in the forest. "I'll have to teach that elf what good dwellings are" Gimli muttered. He much preferred solid stone rather than shaky trees which could so easily be...altered or destroyed. But again, another good thing was that the horse was gone...although that might mean his companions might force him to pay for a rental carriage perhaps. Shaking his head at the absurdity of things and his companions, Gimli found that out of his beard leaked an enormous amound of dandruff...

[Primula]

Treebeard woke up again and discovered a very inordinate amount of time had passed and the hobbitling-things still hadn't finished eating. Concluding that they were even more treeish than he had thought and must have a perpetual, unending thirst in their roots, he decided it would be best to simply gather them up and carry them off to the Entmoot, or he would be late... if such a thing were possible.

[Eruvanne]

Disgusted at the idea of eating the enormous pile of peat moss that sat growing less and less enticing in his hands, Pippin decided to try his luck in the large crock-pot that the tree thing had handed down. However, as he tried to move his feet from the puddle of Miracle-Gro, the Took found, to his astonishment, that his feet, his beautiful feet, were now totally covered and saturated with Miracle-Gro mud and that all the tiny plants that had hitherto not been visible had begun to entwine themselves round his feet and toes, aided by the excessive amount of Miracle-Gro. Not to be kept away from the possibility of mushrooms however, Pippin struggled to move forward but found himself defeated by the plants and mud. After a great amount of struggle, he was finally able to lean forward enough to get away from the puddle that entrapped him and close to the crock-pot that held the hoped for mushrooms. Ignoring Merry's question about the Entwives/Tent Wives, Pippin stretched and stretched and stretched. Finally, the very tips of his fingers could touch the crock-pot. Happy but totally exhausted, the Took took a short respite and fell asleep, his fingers lying close to the crock-pot.

He was awakened by the seemingly booming voice of the tree thing. Looking up, he was just in time to see the crock-pot, the jackpot, the treasure chest, the goal for which he had pushed himself so far, be knocked over by the tree thing's big foot as he moved towards the two hobbits. As the tree thing picked them up, he was finally stirred from his shock and began to struggle violently.

"How could you?!" he shouted despairingly. "How could you do such a terrible thing? Especially to people you just met. I was just beginning to think that maybe you were an ok person . . . thing but now . . ." He sighed. Then burst into tears sobbing, "How could you?"