Write Your Own LOTR - TTT - Book III

[Primula]

Hearing his beloved's dulcet shrieking and yelping subside in the inner chambers, Wormtongue was reminded that he hadn't had a good yelp out of Theoden King for what seemed like eons. It was a sad state of affairs when one's victims ceased to twitch and bounce in an interesting manner, as any good cat could have told him.

Bouncing in an interesting manner made him think of the Lady again and he swiveled to ooze back into the Hall. It wouldn't do for her to be unattended if her problematic brother were to surface again.

[DoctorGamgee]

"How like a Ranger..." Gimli muttered. "Mention runnign water to yourself in a whilsper and they are full of ideas. But suggest a bath to his face and he has no clue..."

The trio were getting close to the Horse Lord's palace...er...dwelling...er...barnish looking thing...

"Let's just hope they have something to remove the stench of travel with these folks." he said as he spied a well pump ahead with hope...

[Laiquendi]

Using his well trained Ranger Eyes TM, Aragorn spied a well pump ahead. It was almost as if it was signposted or something.

"Halt!" he cried with a loud commanding voice, despite the fact that he wasn't at the front of the party, nor the fact that the huge mound of Edoras stood looming not half an hour away in front of them. Still, he had a tickle in his throat and it wouldn't be polite to chat up the frisky Rohirrim women with a cough now, would it.

"I need to wet the throat, so to speak...mmmm.....ahhh...*cough*... whatever. You there, goat-boy, run ahead and fetch me a glass of water!" Aragorn said, waving his hand in the general direction of Gimli. "My legs are so stiff from all this riding I'll never get back up again!"

[DoctorGamgee]

"I am not your maid, you oversized buffoon! And if you need a house elf to fetch you things, might I suggest..." growled Gimli, nodding towards the strangely silent Legolas.

[Dínelleth]

Up till now Legolas' full attention centered solely on listening to "The 50 Greatest Elvish Love Songs" on his ipod. Unfortunately, like most elvish creations, all of them were perfect and had tied for first place on the list. This meant he could not make up his mind as to which one he would serenade his beloved Princess with when they finally met.

Now two words in the common tongue will get the attention of any busy elf and irritate them to no end and they are "house elf".

The fact they came from the dwarf along with his nodding in the elf's direction only added to the initial irritation.

Quickly Legolas pull out his ipod ear buds.

"I AM NO HOUSE ELF!" he shouted angrily at Gimli while he took on a very Princely pose something his beloved or any female within eyesight would have swooned at. Then he lowered his voice and added in a threatening manner "Call me that again and you will become fair food ie dwarf on a stick!"

[Laiquendi]

"Oooooooo" said Aragorn, "Now that's a good idea... Dwarf on a Stick! I wonder if we can get it to go? What with my dying thrist, and now rumbling stomach you'd have thought we'd have brought some good nourishment with us!"

Eyeing up the juicy, fat Dwarf, with extra focus on the rump steak, Aragorn smacked his parched lips and reached for his blade.

"You hold him down, Leggy, and I'll start a carving! It's not like he's gonna run the last three miles to Edoras is it!"

[DoctorGamgee]

The dwarf was ready for the attack. The dwarf simply came to a complete stop and watched as ...

[Primula]

Gandalf, who had been wondering if a stop at the well might not be a bad idea considering how badly the others needed a wash, jumped in surprise as a surge of hoofbeats was followed by a napkin thwacking across his posterior. Shadowfax, mistaking this for a command to "REAR", promptly skidded to a stop and launched upwards, catapulting his flailing, white-robed passenger right into the squabbling tangle of Elf, Ranger, horses and i-pod cables directly behind him.

Tumbling down into an undignified pile of gear and muddy companions, the wizard yanked his robes out from under a wayward hoof and got to his feet, speaking great words of wisdom and wielding his staff with the deftness and justice that had made him so famous throughout the Lands.

Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! "You imbeciles! Nit-wits! Nincompoops!"

[Laiquendi]

Rubbing his sore head with indiginity... a would-be king being attacked by a senile old man! honestly!... Aragorn took one last look at the juicy Dwarf rump before mounting his horse with a long sigh.

"One of these days Dwarf, one of these days..." He muttered and turned his steed towards the looming pile of houses infront of them. "I just hope that the ladies in Meduseld have got the dinner on, because the men be coming home!"

With that he jump-started his mount and rode up to the gates of Edoras.

[Primula]

Grima scuttled over to where Theoden King sat in his mound of mouldering furs and checked his pulse. Still alive. "My Leige, it appears likely we're going to have visitors. We'll have to prepare a welcome for them. Yes? Yes!"

From down inside his hair, Theoden echoed blankly "Yes...."

"And I can help you with that. No one is a more 'umble servant than your 'umble servant, Grima."

"Grima...."

"My thanks to you, my Leige, I'd be honored to take care of it," he crooned and patted the doddering King's head before donning a sock puppet and taking his place on the little footstool beside the throne.

[Dínelleth]

Legolas blinked in surprised when he suddenly found himself on the muddy ground and tangled up in a pile of gear with Gandalf and Aragorn. How he got there he had no memory. Still that did not keep him from thinking the dwarf had something to do with it.

Then he let out a yelp of surprise when the now irrate and swearing wizard thwacked him on the top of the head with his staff.

"Mithrandir watch the language! Little pictures have big ears!" he warned as he quickly inched wormed himself out of range since his ipod cables had somehow ended up around his body.

After that he managed to get to his feet and since nothing sticks to an elf the ipod cables and mud fell off with ease and his clothes and hair automatically straightened themselves out until he was back to his princely neatness again.

This brought out a loud chorus of oooohs and aaaaahs from the fangirls in the gallery.

"Eat your heart out dwarf!" Legolas said while smirking smuggly.

By this time Aragorn had jumped-started his horse and had reached the gate first.

Now the elf wasn't sure but he thought he heard a collective wail on the wind that said "There goes the neighborhood!!!!!!!"

[Laiquendi]

Aragorn, waiting patiently at the big wooden gates that stood closed in front of him, looked back at the heap of beings in his entourage and mentally repremanded them for their tardiness. But, he then thought, you have to take into account their backwards nature, what with them being a Dwarf, Elf and Wizard after all. He'd be surprised if they even knew the concept of multi-dimensional n-space quantum time travel, let alone had the t-shirt!

Nodding his head in agreement with himself, for of course he was always right - it wouldn't do to argue with yourself, even if you knew you were wrong! Which you aren't and he wasn't, quite rightly. He turned to face the impenetrable gates and looked at a quaint, small silver bell engraved with the backside of a horse, that was hanging to the side of the doors.

I wonder what would happen if I ring this.... hmmm....

[daughter_of_kings]

Eowyn washed the last of the peanut butter out of her hair, grabbed a towel, and walked out onto the terrace to get a look at the goings-on while she dried her golden tresses.

She got there just in time to see a Wizard, a Man, an Elf, a Dwarf, a Meara and two horses walk into a bar... no, wait, wrong joke... walk up to the gates of Edoras.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! she thought. I need to sweep the Hall, and carry out the ashes, and set a new fire, and do the laundry and...

... someday my Prince will come, and that day is TODAY and...

And with that, she burst into song:

Ah, isn't this amazing!
It's my favorite part, you see...
Here's where she meets Prince Charming
And he'll discover his Princess is really me!

Still humming to herself, Eowyn danced back into her room.

[DoctorGamgee]

Making his way to the gates, Gimli stopped suddenly in his tracks as the voice on the wind ensorcelled him

"...is really me..."

He didn't know with whom he was in love, but he knew his heart would never burn this way for another.

[Laiquendi]

Make way for King Ari
Say hey! It's King Ari

Hey! Clear the way, in the old Bazaar
Hey you! Let us through! It's a bright new star!
Oh Come! Be the first on your block to meet his eye!

Make way! Here he comes!
Ring bells! Bang the drums!
Are you gonna love this guy!

King Ari! Fabulous he! Ari of Gondor!
Genuflect, show some respect, down on one knee!
Now, try your best to stay calm,
Brush up your Sunday salaam,
Then come and meet his spectacular coterie

King Ari! Mighty is he! Ari of Gondor!
Strong as ten regular men, definitely!
He faced the galloping hordes,
A hundred bad guys with swords,
Who sent those goons to their lords?
Why, King Ari

He's got seventy-five golden camels
Purple peacocks, he's got fifty-three
When it comes to exotic-type mammals
Has he got a zoo? I'm telling you,
It's a world-class menagerie

King Ari! Handsome is he! Ari of Gondor!
That physique! How can I speak? Weak at the knee
Well, get on out in that square,
Adjust your vein and prepare,
To gawk and grovel and stare at King Ari!

There's no question this Ari's alluring
Never ordinary, never boring
Everything about the man just plain impresses
He's a winner, he's a whiz, a wonder!
He's about to pull my heart asunder!
And I absolutely love the way he dresses!

He's got ninety-five white Elven monkeys
(He's got the monkeys, let's see the monkeys)
And to view them he charges no fee
(He's generous, so generous)
He's got slaves, he's got servants and flunkies
(Proud to work for him)
They bow to his whim, love serving him
They're just lousy with loyalty to Ari! King Ari!

King Ari! Amorous he! Ari of Gondor!
Heard your princess was a sight lovely to see
And that, good people, is why,
He got dolled up and dropped by
With sixty elephants, llamas galore
With his bears and lions, a brass band and more
With his forty fakirs, his cooks, his bakers
His birds that warble on key
Make way for King Ari!