Write Your Own LOTR - Lorien to end of FotR

[Silivren Ithildin]

Pippin was staring in disbelief at the Ranger holding him down trying to shave his head. How this had happened he didn't know.

[Ladyhawk Baggins]

Sam was relieved he missed the hair cut, though he could hear it as he slipped quietly into the woods.

"Don't know what was wrong with the rest of the Fellowship, but it was sure and certain they aren't nearly as concerned about Mister Frodo as they ought to be," Sam muttered. "Now where would've Mister Frodo've gone?"

Sam closed his eyes and spun around and stopped, pointing in the direction he intended to go, then opened his eyes. He sniffed in frustration as he was pointing back toward the lake. Then he decided he'd just head away from the lake and keep his ears open and his eyes peeled.

[Laiquendi]

Aragorn moved the blade closer to Pippin's luscious locks, making long-drawn out movements in attempt to distract him from the impending close shave.

"Ooops! Accidentally sliced off something..." He moaned as a curl of soft brown hair floated to the ground. "Oh well, it'll look uneven if I leave it now."

"Boromir, what do you think? Boromir? Hey, where did everyone go?"

[Dínelleth]

Merry suddenly woke up to the fact that there were other events happening around him the most important one for the moment being his cousin's scalping by Aragorn! Now the hobbit had thought the man was a bit screwy upstairs and this latest attempt at humor just proved he wasn't far from the truth. So he quickly searched the ground for something hard to throw and soon had several nice sized pebbles which he began to rapidly bounce off the back of the Ranger's head while he hoped this would distract him long enough so that Pippin could wiggle free. "Take this you fruitcake!" he then yelled.

[Primula]

Frodo stood nervously fingering the Ring as the shadow of the giant stone finger fell across Boromir's troubled visage. The Ring, realizing that it's chance at getting a nice vacation in the City was passing away reached out desperately for anything it could use to sway these puny mortals to its power.

What luck! It found some very useful sound-waves in the distance, and promptly magnified them.

FRUITCAAAAAKE.... floated the haunting whisper around Frodo and Boromir. FRUITCAAAAAKE...

[Silivren Ithildin]

Rapidly seizing the opportunity, Pippin scrambled out from under the deranged Ranger and ran straight over to Merry.

"Fruitcake, Merry, what fruitcake?" Pippin asked, "did you find some fruitcake somewhere?"

[agape4rivendell]

Gollum lifted his head... perhaps leaving the western bank had been a mistake. Perhaps the smell would have wafted away whilst he waited willing the while to waver....

Sorry - got stuck on the 'w' on the keyboard.

So - there he sat on the bank of the mighty river trying to decide whether or not it was worthwhile to wack into the water and wander westward

Sorry - maybe I should just remove the 'w'.....

'We must weturn to the wiver.... we must find the fwuitcake....'

[Laiquendi]

"Ouch... ouch! Ouch!" Aragorn howled as mini-meteorites pelted him from the heavens. Amid the annoying pain, he felt Pippin wriggle out from under him in a desperate attempt to eat fruitcake and avoid a haircut.

"You're not getting away from me that easily!" He said, running towards the pain-weilding rock-slingers. "There's only one person that can settle this dispute!"

And with that he grabbed at Merry, lifting him over his shoulder where he could do less damage. Then in a swift follow-through movement, he caught Pippin by his shirt and hoisted him under one arm. Now with both scrambling Hobbits in tow he hiked off into the woods.

"Legolas, if that marauding horde of Uruk-hai hiding in the trees over there decide to attack whilst you're still preening, tell them to leave a message and say we've gone to find Frodo!"

He sniffed the air delicately, catching the whiff of unwashed man on the wind, and headed deep into the trees with the two Hobbits.

[agape4rivendell]

Eomer looked up in surprise. His men started gagging. 'What is that stench,' he wondered. Lifting his eyes eastward, he saw naught but the skyline. His ears became buffeted with waves of sound crashing over the plains. It sounded like... nay, it could not be... fruitcake?

He shuddered. What matter of wizardry was this?

[Primula]

Far off in the Shire, the Old Gaffer hummed and chopped his hoe into the garden soil. To his great surprise, it hit not a weed nor a forgotten tater but a stale fruitcake long since stolen from a holiday table and buried in his vegetable beds for safekeeping.

"What in tarnation?" he grumbled as he tried to dislodge the gummy mass from his tool. The Shadow of the Ring was long indeed.

[Linaewen]

Far off in a secret room in the Tower of Ecthelion, Denethor gazed into the palantir in hopes of engaging in his daily mental tussle with The Great Eye. Instead he was taken aback by the vision of a very large fruitcake, filled with nuts and candied fruit.

"What is this new devilry?" he exclaimed.

[Linaewen]

FRUUUUIIITTTTCAAAAKKKKEEE whispered the haunting whisper hauntingly into Boromir's ear.

All thoughts of the Ring as a means to repairing his clothes were replaced by a grander scheme -- fruitcake, the greatest weapon known to man... nuts and candied fruit... currents and raisins... an army armed with wallets of fruitcake that would never run out so that they would always be perpetually high on the sugar rush and thus extremely dangerous and formidable in their hyperness... and Boromir at the head of that army, leading them to Mordor.

"The Ring would give me power of Fruitcake," he muttered dazedly. "How I would drive the hosts of Mordor, and all men would flock to my fruitcake!"

He stared at Frodo, and instead of the hobbit, he saw a very large fruitcake, bursting with nuts and candied fruit.

"It is not your fruitcake save by unhappy chance!" he cried, lunging at Frodo, his hands outstretched. "It might have been my fruitcake! It should be mine. Give it to me!"

[daughter_of_kings]

FRUUUITCAAAKE the wind moaned low through the Golden Hall. Eowyn turned to the hunched figure beside her. "Fruitcake, Uncle?? Why would you desire such a thing?"
As King Theoden turned a slowly surprised look upon his niece, she continued in a mutter, "Unless you're asking for Grima. He's certainly a fruitcake. Deceptively sweet, but nobody can stomach much of him, and he seems to hang around forever."

[Dínelleth]

Now Merry was about to tell Pippin that he didn't mean he had fruitcake but that he was calling Aragorn a fruitcake when the Ranger suddenly threw him over his shoulder like a sack of...FRUUUIIITCAAAKKKEEE said the whispering voice that now was filling the breeze all around him. After that the hobbit was lost in a daydream where he was chewing on a huge loaf of the candy and nut filled treat when in reality he was chewing on Aragorn's elvish cloak while drooling like a faucet.

Now elvish cloth was known for it's toughness and for repelling dirt (How else do you suppose Legolas could stay so clean?). However not even it could withstand for long chewing hobbit teeth and soon a hole began to appear...

[Primula]

Frodo's large, candied blueberries blinked in horror at the huge stick of fruitcake that towered before him and then suddenly lunged at him. Boromir's voice was shouting at him from the hollow of an oversized marachino cherry half, the smell of citron overwhelmed his senses.

"Give it to me!" cried the cherry in the dessert, moving its horrific fruity lips. A huge strand of brown fruitcake reached for him, it's pecans outstretched to snatch his treasure from him!

It was all he could do to ram his finger into the center of the gummy dark golden circle of candied pineapple that lay in his hand where the Ring had been.

"Nuts!" he cried, fleeing in invisible terror from the monstrous dessert. All the world was plunged into a sickly sweet fog.